Priority #1: Find another plasma-donating carpool, or talk to Aaron about his schedule next quarter, or figure out a definite way to get home from Biolife via bus. Whatever happens, MUST DONATE twice a week, regularly, unless sick. Don't donate while sick again. Very stupid idea.

Priority #2: If bus is the only answer, buy a bus pass.

Priority #3: Eat healthy. Take vitamins. Need to keep up iron and protein levels so donating twice a week doesn't kill me.

Priority #4: Stay on top of classes. Study for spanish this time. Do Quia when it's assigned. Read books constantly. 17 credits isn't impossible, but when I actually want to learn, not just pass, it might be a little more difficult.

Other Things to Do:

use the rec center at least twice a week.
go to late night as much as possible.
read The Secret Garden.
try to go downtown once a week. find someone interested in poetry night at Fantasia.
see Brent more often.
get email addresses of people I like. start up some kind of regular correspondence with people I tend to forget about.
think about getting a job in Bellingham.
clean the kitchen and bathroom. vacuum stairs and every other carpeted surface in the house. throw out the trash.
invest in a giant crate of satsumas.
finish Catch-22 before going back to school. come on, 16 pages really shouldn't be this hard!!
call Tom, Tommy, Jessica, Sam, and Jamie today. bowling night!
figure out plans for New Years.
figure out how to use torrents. again. stick with it this time. create a music library that will make RJ cry, and not in the bad way.

take a shower, because I'm off work for the next two hours!

Highway to the Danger Zone!

My tummy hurts, I'm cold, and RJ is eating food next to me and hasn't offered me any yet. I wanted to build a gingerbread house and he shot me down, said he was too broke to buy supplies, but I looked in his wallet. He lied. He has more money than the Sultan of Saudi Arabia. Does Saudi Arabia have a Sultan? I don't know. Oh well. Really this is all just an excuse to type on his laptop, because his laptop's keyboard is ten million times better than my mom's. I haven't typed on a keyboard this nice since I left school weeks ago. I miss my computer.

Pizza in the Morning

I had one of my recurring dreams last night. I heard somewhere that girls tend to have dreams that take place indoors, while boys have outdoor dreams. All of my recurring dreams are outdoor dreams. What does this say about me? I have no idea. I'll just blame it on having two older brothers, like I always do.
So yes, this dream is a repeat. But it was more intricate than any of the previous ones. All of it seemed familiar, but I can remember more of it. That's the important part. Usually it's just a feeling of weightlessness and wind. This time I actually remember why.
It starts out with me reading a book. Duh. It was called "Mai Lai Warrior" or something like that. Everything that happens next is like a movie of what I'm reading. There's this warrior, and he's going from town to town with this 8 year old boy, trying to find his parents. He eventually comes across his old home, and runs into a pretty doctor who he remembers from his childhood. Aww, love. She takes the boy from him, and there's serious talk between them of all the burnings and pillagings going on in the country. The warrior is hesitant, he doesn't want to get caught up in it all. Later, he's playing with some of the village children, including the boy he brought with him. The boy is happier now, glad to have a home, but now he's brave. He wants to be a big bad warrior too! So the warrior is showing the village kids how to have sword fights with sticks, and they're running all over the place, and they finally come to the edge of the town to this clearing in front of The Forbidden Woods (duh duh duuhhh!). All the kids freak out a little bit, but the warrior is thoughtful. He remembers how he was attacked as a small child near here. Remembers how he was carried off, how the burners and pillagers are probably living on the other side of these woods. So right then and there, he decides he's going to go after them. The little boy wants to come along - our hero says no. So responsible. Then suddenly! Out of nowhere our hero is joined by another man, wearing a mask, who the children are skittish around. He's the protector of this town. He tells our warrior that he's going with him, since he'll probably need help. Looking down at the kid, you can tell he's thinking "Help that will actually be help." So the warrior agrees, and off they go.
This is where the good part starts! This is what I always remember. They're climbing a steep hill, holding onto tree branches and roots to get to the top. At the top is a trail, and they start running. There's lots of running on this trail. They pass trees and bushes and small clearings and suddenly, they reach a wide open sunny space along the ocean. They keep running. Right before heading back into the woods, the warrior looks back, and I can see from his perspective. The grass is in sync with the ocean, the wind pushing it in waves as a continuance of the water crashing onto the beach. The sky is clear and bright blue, a falcon dives, and this feeling of hope and happiness is so strong that my chest hurts.
Now what's funny about this? This morning I didn't really want to get up, so when Chanel called I was very rude to her on the phone. I hung up and reset my alarm so I'd get another hour of sleep. I had this dream, and then I dreamed that I woke up, RJ was there, we both started drinking his apple vodka, I went off to work and updated my blog. It weird. I'll probably be having deja vu all day because of it. Anyway, I figure I have to put up everything I wrote in my dream, so here's the last bit.
My boyfriend likes to drink.
And I like him because he does.

Because Food is Life

There are many highlights to my day, but I think the best one so far has been the food. For breakfast there were crackers with salami and cheese. Yes, I have been eating this for days in a row for weeks on end, and no, I am not sick of it yet. The same goes for cinnamon-raisin english muffins with cream cheese, which I had two of. Sure, this all doesn't exactly fit into the food pyramid, but come on! It's the Christmas season! It's time to let go and eat.... well... the same foods I always do. But in larger quantities!!

Yesterday, my grandmother complained loudly and consistently about how she "went wrong" while raising her kids. Yes, my father and uncle have failed her by not producing a minister. In fact, I think they've turned her expectations completely around and now, instead of making her friends jealous during their regular gossip sessions, where they compare whose kids love the lord the most, my grandmother now has to sit still, keep her trap shut, and hope someone changes the subject to spouses and their lingering deaths soon. Because on that subject, hell, that old lady can outdo anyone.

I now qualify as "New Money"

Mark this day on your calendars, folks. Not only have RJ and I made it through a whole month together (yeah, I couldn't help it.) but today I found my first winning scratch ticket! Well no, that's a lie. There were a few illegal attempts made in junior high, when Tuey and I would buy the 1$ tickets and win 2$. But her mom never cashed them in, and besides, we weren't 18. It just doesn't count. This ticket today, though, this one was special. The hype leading up to the purchase was so thick, I want to use the old "cut it with a knife" metaphor. But I won't. Just imagine me being really really excited and impatient. RJ and I pooled our money to purchase one of those 3$ Uno scratch tickets. First because the 3$ ones are more likely to win, and second because come on! Uno! That game devoured every semi-quiet moment of our summer. Now, can you guess what that boy pulled when that hot shit ticket came sliding out of the machine?? That's right. He took it and HID IT. I had to wait something like 20 minutes before I could scratch that sucker.
By the way, I ran into Aaron Borth and his girlfriend while we were at Fred Meyer. It was weird seeing him again. It sank home this feeling I've been getting lately, a nostalgia for the old days. I never thought the old days were all that great before, and I know what I have right now is far better. And yet I miss the boys from junior high, the two-week sleepovers with Tuey, the parties at Chanel's condo.
Anyway, the scratch ticket. The suspense was ridiculous. We almost won $300! We only needed a G8 and a B4. Instead, we made a last-minute profit of 2$ when we scored the five dollar slot!
We're not sure where the money should go. One paid admission to Zoolights, the other person paying in spare change? Or take our chances with a Lucky for Life ticket?! Can you imagine how sweet winning Lucky for Life would be? Starbucks every day, that's for sure. And a new assortment of German facial cleansers and creams, the kind Frans's cousin introduced me to at the spa. Oh, and soap! Who could forget bar soap?? Bar soap is amazing. It cleans all the little nooks and crannys of your body, you can suds it up and lather your legs to shave, and in the rare moment when your shower starts to get boring, one tight squeeze and it's crazy soap-flying foot-slipping crashing fun! Forget textbooks, forget clothes, forget music and books.. I'm buying soap with my Christmas money.
Speaking of Christmas. Gratuitous happy holiday wishings to all of you who still read this. I'm thinking of asking for a roll call, but I'm afraid only Ben and RJ are left. Oh well. Merry Christmas you two!

I am a lazy girl...

...Who doesn't want to get out of bed until 1 in the afternoon, and don't sub for my friends at work so I can do nothing all day. I think yogurt should have crunchy things in it. Pickles are so yummy. I want to go bowling tonight. I'm just now showering and it's 4:30. I'm so lazy.

Eyelash Fights and Cold Cold Noses

Yesterday was the best day I've had in the last two weeks. It was my first day back home, so naturally I went up to Seattle. Oh, the boy. He's amazing. Being best friends and all, there's no shame between us. Things like, oh, fruit snack fights and annoying each other by singing Venga Boys and My Humps. We watched a shameful amount of TV, but what can you really do to keep warm in a freezing cold frat house besides drink, or huddle under a blanket and watch Futurama? (Don't answer that, yes I know there's another option in there too.) Anyway, throughout the day I caught onto the fact that the boy has spent far too much money on me for Christmas, and now I need to rethink what I was going to give him. Any ideas for cheap (the more free it is, the better) yet meaningful and heartwarming gifts would be greatly appreciated. PLEASE. HELP ME.

I Feel Like Sharing

So, there's this guy in Australia who was on trial for robbing a bank. His name was Rob Banks. He was found guilty. Out of curiosity, the judge tried the guy again, with a different jury, under a different name. He was found innocent.

My cousin's boyfriend's friend knows a girl who had no social security number until she went to college. She was birthed by a midwife, who forgot to file the right papers. She never had a job. She never got a liscense. She never left the country. Come schooling time, she decided, "Hmm, maybe having a social security number is a good idea."

My cousin's boyfriend's friend's roommate's dad owns Dick's fast food chain.

Matt's girlfriend's cousin's coworker's brother-in-law's family owns the mansion in Stephen King's Rose Red.

I have an incredible boyfriend. He's smart, gorgeous, funny, and drives like a wrecking ball. He's incredibly thoughtful - he remembered my half birthday before I did. Most importantly, he's got endless patience for when I forget things like his birthday, the time we watched Boobah together, the time we got engaged, the time we first heard the Brunettes together, and that one time he downloaded porn and watched it on November 28th (hah!). He also knows that I'll eventually forget everything else we've ever done together, including the time we started dating. And he doesn't mind.

The best part of everything in my life is that I get to sleep with my best friend.

When Elaina and I are eighty years old, we're still going to be walking around the cities together, arm in arm. And when we get into conversations with strangers, we'll find a way to put in the phrase, "We're walking around aimlessly!" and then burst into uncontrollable cackles, which will probably cause Elaina's hip to break and put me in the hospital with pneumonia.

Someday, I'll learn to cook curry. Then I'll eat indian food every night of my life, until my sweat smells like curry powder and parsley.

One Day at Western

Washington inside a fist. Hubcaps. Snowmen. Piano music at 1 am. Iron Chef friends. Text messages from lovers. Family Guy. Nachos with extra sour cream. Suckerpunching/pile driving. Mario Party, $5 on Ebay. Tennis, both Mario version and murder raquet. Studying for the skipped class. Moral duties against math. Two coats, three sweatshirts, a water bottle, Sylvia Plath, washcloth, hairbrush, textbook, coffee mug, 2 throw blankets, slippers, and a pair of earrings (somewhere) all to be removed from the bed before bed. $30 women's gloves that only fit a man's hands. Strep throat. Larrabee State Park drawn with an imaginary pen. Layers on layers on layers. Movie nights that never happen. Lights across the street. More snow. Snow balls that don't miss. Sandals in the slush. Bounding deer. Black coffee dregs and dehydration. Snood tournaments. Big plans for next quarter!

He's Snoring Again. Awwww.

Hi. Ben? Are you listening? Thank you! I took your advice, and sure, it's going to be hard. But it'll be worth it.

nothing will ever be as good as being a girl. a pms'ing girl, no less. yes, yes, i knew it was a bad sign when i spent 2 hours of good, hard work at the gym, then came home, made a playlist of sappy songs, and settled down to eat half the (chocolate) cake i baked last night.

Breathe deep the gathering gloom
Watchlights fade from every room
Bedsitter people look back and lament
Another days useless energies spent
Empassioned lovers wrestle as one
Lonely man cries for love and has none
New mother picks up and settles her son
Senior citizens wish they were young
Cold hearted orb that rules the night
Removes the colors from our sight
Red is gray and yellow white
But we decide which is right
And which is an illusion

james is pretty in eyeliner

last night, loves, made up for over a week of disappointments. a large crew of boys from long beach came up to get faded at michael kimbrough's. what can be said? they have strange back-woods rules for king's cup, but that's okay. james was showing off his emo flag. nick and i controlled the couch with our slouching. elaina and scott didn't speak most of the night, from what i saw. matt bonney called me his teddy bear, and we hugged many many times. elaina had to tell him to stop crowding her cousin. ryan told work stories, joey inspired a mcdonald's run. whitey and i talked loudly and belligerently about donating plasma. we all sat down for a nap around 5 am, and i walked the half mile or so home around 6. my day started at 2:30, 4 hours after my mom called and asked about my thanksgiving plans.

and do you know? the day since has been lovely! nick and i are both really excited - we made friends with someone on our floor! we ate dinner in the backroom of fairhaven, and had ice cream sundaes on plates. jessica joined us and we baked a cake (it's MY chicken!) and played irresponsible games of bombchu bowling. and loves, please. don't forget the laugh track for family guy. some kid i've never seen before walking into our dorm and watched for 3 minutes or so, then walked away with a "everyone on the floor is watching this. thanks for letting me join!"

Celebrity Minds

As frustrating and emotionally harrowing my Criminal Justice class is, I'm going to miss it when it's gone. I'm going to miss Inverarity, with his uncontrollable gray hair that wobbles over his head as he stutters his way through a lecture. The way he throws in such random, ridiculous comments as "Ignore Louisiana, it's a southern state." and "If you have cancer, you're going to die. That's not interesting." His absolute nonchalance about whether you come to class or not, yet demands perfection from those who have never sat through a lecture.

But most of all, I'm going to miss the study nights before exams. The 1 am trips to IHOP for three pots of coffee that is guaranteed to make me sick the next day. Last night was a conglomeration of spanish, logic, literature, and criminal justice. Conversation topics ranged from the current conditions of jails, Offspring, the relationship between math and logic, Dora the Explorer, relatives with quirks, drinking, and conjugating verbs in portuguese. Those nights, I learn more in one sitting than I do for the next three weeks.

Ten Pages in One Hour

I have 100 pages from my Social Organization of Criminal Justice textbook to read tonight. I am very very mad about this. However, I am also taking notes and writing the study guide stuff down too, so maybe I can only plow through 2 chapters and call it good? I mean, really, it's how much I learn, not quantity of the workload accomplished.

And on top of that! I have no food in my dorm that doesn't make me sick. And the dining hall food isn't much of an improvement, unless I'm famished after working out. I am so hungry! And only cereal will suffice! So instead I drink water. Lots and lots and lots and lots of water. Sometimes I make it flavored water with my Lipton's raspberry iced tea mix, but then sometimes that makes me sick too. You know what I really wish I had? Purple Gatorade mix. I saw it once, at the Met. Yumm.

I'm Levitating!

Heute war eine grosse día en mi cuarto. Meine compañero di cuarto und ich moved all our stuff around, und jetzt it looks organized and cleaned and lived in. We even have bailar space in the middle of our room. Unfortunately, I can't get too excited about it. This week is another hell week! Sociology test Friday, and spanish test tomorrow. Not to mention registration coming up! I'm getting my math teacher's opinion on which professors to look into. Hurrah!
Este tarde, Sharon and I ate lunch together. We spent an hour gabbing about boys and school and life in general, and how much college is different from what we expected. It was lovely, and it gives me hope that I won't die of loneliness when Jessica leaves me at the end of this quarter.

move to italy - top of the list!

i haven't seen my suitemates since thursday morning. and even that's questionable. i'm not sure if i actually saw them thursday morning or wednesday morning.
Now, as many of you may have heard (basically anyone who's talked to me at all since Thursday), I donated plasma while fighting off a cold. I know, not one of the brightest decisions I've ever made. But sometimes I get these urges to take reckless chances that will probably end up hurting me in the end. Usually they involve jumping off of something, donating plasma while sick, or not eating for three days straight. They don't really serve any purpose, just a way for me to get out of a rut. This experiment left me sleeping by 5 pm, off and on all night. The only time I spent awake, well, I wrote about that last time. When I saw Frans. The wine made me sick around 3 am, so I sat shivering in my bathroom emptying my body of all its contents. Which wasn't much, but it sucked pretty bad.
The natural conclusion was that Friday would be spent on the couch. When Jessica saw me huddled under all seven of my blankets, watching Life is Beautiful, she laughed. For five minutes straight. And when she was done, she sat down on the couch with me and cried over the movie.
Ahhh I'm losing interest in this post already! I need to make my bed before I can sleep in it. So now come the bare minimum details. RJ came over Friday evening, we spent the night drinking over at Matt's place. Elaina and I were pretentious snobs with a bottle of white wine (RJ would've disowned me if I didn't give wine another chance.) We watched Shaun of the Dead and stumbled back to my dorm room, and slept. Breakfast at Denny's, which was amazing, and I got to drive RJ's truck! (I miss driving so much. I'm going to Centralia over Thanksgiving, and I'm taking the Blazer to do it.) After RJ left, I camped out on my couch for the rest of the day and proceeded to watch: Emma, The Shipping News, Mr. Smith Goes to Washington, The Heiress, and Under the Tuscan Sun. And yes, I was wrapped up in my seven blankets the whole time. Aw, don't worry, I wasn't completely by myself. Ryan watched 3 movies with me, and Julie watched 2. We were the cool kids.

how do you cool your lips after a summer's kiss?

Frans is easily one of my favorite people in the dorm. He's chill. Earlier this evening, I had my head pounded and compressed by the sounds of Mar and his friend trying to play the guitar. It was a major sacrifice for a simple jar of spaghetti sauce, but it had to be done! The pain of that moment will be in my memory forever - the headache, the nausea, the aweful out of tune squeals coming from a beautiful instrument.
Frans, meanwhile, introduced me to his friend Mateo this evening. He and Mateo sat and jammed on the mandolin and the same mentioned guitar -- and it was beautiful. Sitting by a forest stream while pixies play and laugh in the water wouldn't be as relaxing as these two boys tinkered with their instruments. And while Edgar Allen Poe may not seem like the perfect addition to this night, sharing his stories was oddly appropriate.
Anyway, I adore Frans. He wore my sweatshirt outside, so now it smells like love. And we watched the Big Lebowski while sipping wine. (Yes, I know, wine. Unfortunately, I'll never be a pretentious snob when it comes to alcohol -- drinking wine is like forcing myself to down a giant glass of pure vinegar.)
All this was within the last three or four hours. Pretty much my whole day was spent in a haze of dragging myself from one class to another, humorously murmuring "braiiinnns!" to myself to get over how dead I felt. There was this one glorious section in time, 45 minutes, where I napped on the big green couch in the library. I think I left a drool spot on the cushion, but that's not gross. It's just a sign of a good time.
This weekend, I have big plans. They involve movies, maybe illegal drugs, calling up Brent (see how those two coincide?), but most likely just sleep and a few good books. Natalie left for the weekend, Matt's supposed to show up one of these days (not sure what I think about that), and I feel like locking myself in the dorm and only talking to a select few people. And only one at a time.

We Have Arrived

Today, I learned an interesting fact. Actually, I'm not sure if it's fact or not, but if it is, then it's interesting. Matt says there's a Long Beach in every state of the US. Elaina and I don't believe him. I mean, come on -- Long Beach, South Dakota? It just doesn't compute, folks. So I pretend to be fascinated and impressed, but inwardly, I'm skeptical. Google'ing it didn't help much either. Google.com thinks there's only one Long Beach, and it's in California.

skep·ti·cism 1 : an attitude of doubt or a disposition to incredulity either in general or toward a particular object

In other news! (Tonight was a fantastically good night, considering it was a Monday. o lunes.) I froze my toes for one fantastic view: coming in from sailing, watching the mist rising off the placid lake. Yes, placid. As in NO WIND. Ahh, kinetics, how I hate putting you into use. After, Jessica and I made the trek into downtown Bellingham to the Fantasia Cafe for Poetry Night! I stuck around for an hour and a half -- fantastic poetry, amazing readers, and the community feeling of everyone there was overwhelming. The regulars heckled and laughed and put everyone into an accepting, open-minded state. I almost cried at one point, though. Here is where I tell you about my self-loathing. Before the poetry reading started, I sat nursing my peppermint mocha and observing the people. As always, I immediately spotted the grossly overweight guy. He was balding, pastey, and overflowing all corners of his chair. I see a lot of people like this at the pool (especially during water aerobics), and I've developed this terrible habit of imagining them in bathing suits. My imagination goes overboard with the folds of flesh and (trust me, it's almost universal) ugly birth marks or skin discolorations. ... Really, have I offended enough people yet? Obese people are fascinating to me, in a disgusting and degrading way. Anyway, after I mentally ostracized this guy, he got up and read a "very personal poem that's hard for [him] to share". The gist of it was how no one has ever found him attractive, how he has found intellectual partners and friends, but no one who will love him physically. And how he's wondering if he'll ever find intimacy before he dies. I felt so guilty, as if I personally was responsible for all the pain and humiliation he'd ever been through. And there was nothing I could do. I still found him repulsive. But on top of that, I felt a sharp stab of guilt because I knew, 100%, that this was a real person with real feelings who probably feels worse than I ever have on a regular basis. And I still wouldn't be able to talk to him without seeing his obesity first.

Anyway. It's 1:30 am right now, RJ called right in the middle of that post and I had so much more to say... I just can't anymore. I'm tired. I want to sleep before I get up and shower before class tomorrow (which I haven't studied for or done the homework. Yay!)

the first set of sailing pictures!

kingsley zissou. he even had a cap gun!

this was the whole team, all dressed up for the occasion.


friday night, sharing stories on the porch.

sunday afternoon, all decked out in sailing gear! our models are andrew, matt, and alex.

oh randy.






janna is my lovely skipper.

jake and his orange hat.


it's kramer guys! you know, from seinfeld?? yeah, yeah!!


our carpool, minus sam and jon. we are hardcore cool, man.

so the story goes like this. i go out onto the porch, and janna starts wondering who smells really really good. is it jake? hmm, no. alex? nope. turns out it was my hair. yay for awesome conditioner!
this was the cool band making their way up to vancouver, bc. the kid on the far right is wearing a real rabbit fur hat. i loved that hat passionately and wholeheartedly for the whole... minute? that i got to play with it.

those are cherl's shoes. come on. how amazing can she get?

ashley and florian!

so i have no idea who the girl in spandex is, or what she was dressed as, but she had the greatest costume by far.

ashley and cherl!

alex, andrew, and kyle.

alex is singing cher. "do you believe in love after love?"

what are we goin' to do?

last night was a bad night. ben made it not so bad. thank you, ben.