Thursday, February 28, 2008

Landmark Occasion

This morning, I had my first solid poop in over 2 months.
About 2 weeks ago, the doctor told me that I needed to start taking fiber supplements or this would never end. So I bought a bottle of Metamucil pills, and have been choking down 5 of them every morning since.
But now, I think they're working! Maybe it takes a while for the fiber to build up in your system. I don't know. It was perfectly poo-shaped, the kind you would fish out and put in a paper bag and set on fire outside your most-hated neighbor's front door. I sat in front of that toilet and admired it for a good minute. In the end, though, I had to flush it away. So here's hoping I'll see another one soon.

Thursday, February 21, 2008

A new bicycle? Thanks!

Barack Obama is your new bicycle.

I honestly can't stop smiling over this. Yay Barack!

Monday, February 11, 2008

A Simple History

By me
Translated from the Spanish by me

In a country very far from here, there lives an unhappy prince. His kingdom is poor and dirty. The peasants are disgruntled and talk of a revolution. This prince doesn't know what he needs to do. His father, dying slowly and painfully in his bed, can do nothing to help. It is a time without hope. While the prince worries by himself, the peasants prepare their torches.
It wasn't always like this. In better days, there was a brilliant and warm sun. The plains were green, the crops abundant, and all the people in the kingdom worked with a smile in their hearts. Many ships sailed in and out of the ports, bringing with them exotic spices, fine silks, and strong slaves.
Life was good.
In these old days, the prince wasn't a coward; he wasn't scared of the world outside. He was handsome, rode his horse with style, fought valiantly in battle, and made love with many women. His father, the King, governed with justice and fairness, and the peasants adored him.
The end began on the same day the prince met the woman of his dreams. She, a princess of an old kingdom and an old alliance, was visiting the exotic countries before her upcoming wedding. The love between them was instant and unstoppable, and like a terrible fire, it destroyed the friendship between the kingdoms.
The resulting battle inflicted destruction equally upon both nations. Cruel soldiers invaded the princess's kingdom while her father fought on the plains of his enemy. The list of tragedies is almost endless. The prince's favorite horse died with a lance through his heart. The beautiful princess's father disappeared without a trace. Some say his brother killed him, before he was decapitated in the mob. The gardens of the palace, known throughout all the land for their tranquility and beauty, were the site of the worst prisoner camp. Innumerable women were raped, resulting in an immense flood of orphans into the city streets.
After three years of war, the princess had a child. He was fragile, small, and blue; he died in the night without a sound or a name. The next day the princess begged the prince to stop the senseless massacre. Enraged by her lack of respect, he hit her. Not knowing his own strength, he caused a hemorrhage in her brain. He cried out in horror when he realized what he had done, but it wasn't enough. Two days later, the princess died and her dream came true. Without his love, without the backbone of his body, the prince lost his strength.
Eventually the official war ended. Unfortunately, no one was there to control the kingdom. Soldiers still fought over loot, villages were pillaged and torched. The economy was entirely destroyed.
Ten more years, and the prince still lives with fear in his castle. The peasants shout for his head.
Careful, my little one, for this is the terrible power of love.

Sunday, February 10, 2008

When are they going to invent a time-turner?

Owwww. I want to die.
Irene had this theory that Walmart gave us placebo antibiotics. I think she's got something there. The white bump is still in the back of my throat, I'm coughing more, it hurts to swallow, and occasionally I get some gooey green stuff, too.
Dominated at beer pong last night, and whether this was because I'm getting better, or I was playing with the King of Pong on my team, I don't know. Or care. All I know is that I kicked ass. And then blacked out.
So naturally the hangover didn't go so well. I was worthless and whimpering with my head on my arms at work, and the ringing phones and screaming kids weren't helping at all. I made it through 3 hours before I gave up and begged to go home sick. I don't think it's gone away yet, but I got my appetite back around 5.
And now I'm going to crawl into bed and sleep fitfully, because I'm freaking out over how much work I have to do tomorrow.

Friday, February 08, 2008


So The Man broke it off today. In the library.
Even when they say it's not your fault, how is a girl supposed to be expected to believe it? If it wasn't my fault, he wouldn't have done it.
This sucks.
If my eyes weren't red and puffy, I'd go out and rent a sappy movie. Instead I think I'll stay in and sleep on this first Friday back in Bellingham.

Tuesday, February 05, 2008

Mardi Gras = <3

I've lost track of the days of the week. The differences between Saturday and Sunday and Monday are unknown to me - they're just The Night We Went to the French Quarter, That Day We Drank for 10 Hours, and That Night I Toured the Mansions. Tuesday, of course, is That Morning I Woke Up With Strep.
In all seriousness, there are too many things to be able to recount. Today, for example, has been one long wander.
We started at 8 am, sick (Irene with a fever and bronchitis, myself with strep) and ready to hit the parades. I found my sunglasses I lost the night before under the picnic table. Soon after the first parade we gave up on pretending we could make it, and drove our sick, miserable, exhausted selves back to Mississippi. Once back in Jackson, we sat in an emergency room for 2.5 hours waiting for a simple prescription for antibiotics. Shortly after we caught up with Irene's friends and made plans for pizza (to be perfectly honest, I don't even remember where this conversation took place.) The beer and pizza experience included pitchers of cheap beer, Lawrence of Arabia on the Shack screen tv, and high speed winds porchside. Then there was the basketball game, and some more wandering. The night ended on a screened in porch with Milwaukee's Best and discussions about the presidential primaries and pirates.
Basically Irene's got some kickass friends here at Millsaps, and I forgive her for moving out of the Green House and heading south. It was a good move for her, and I'd much rather come visit her in the heat again instead of hanging out in my apartment, afraid to go outside because of the cold.
Oh, also. Mississippi has amazing lightning. The kind that we on the West Coast see maybe once a year.