Wednesday, August 31, 2005

generic computer games

i think, after years and years and endless years of getting mercilessly pummeled by my brothers, i've developed a complex that makes me want to win, at all costs, no matter who gets hurt and how much i'm hated later. and unfortunately, i think the boy i played computer games with last night has the same complex.
it started out pretty harmless, okay? it was cute. he was playing solitaire (badly!) so i sat down on his lap and pointed things out to him. cute, right? sitting on his lap. drinking beer, eating pizza, playfully snatching the mouse away when he's about to screw up. but oh no. i went to far. i said "let me play!" this is where the 3 hour generic computer game tournament started. solitaire wasn't so bad, but when we busted out the pinball, everything turned sour. the battle for the highest score turned vicious, with pushing and table bumping and heckling and worse yet, the infamous bad music. he hates the mellow stuff - cake, death cab, etc. i couldn't stand his country (and don't get me wrong. country isn't all bad! but this was horrible.)
i think it was one of the best evenings i've spent in a while. i also think i'm actually going to miss him when i leave, where before, i just needed someone to fill up all the free time i suddenly had. i mean, he gave me a piggyback ride to my car because i didn't want to walk down the stairs! aww.

Monday, August 29, 2005

clowns with knives are scary

aw geez... these last couple weeks are bearing down and i don't know what to do about it. i want to be around chanel and rj 24/7, laughing and breaking the rules and staying up late. but somehow? it just doesn't feel like it's working the way it used to. i want another day at the zoo. but eek! listen to how whiny i sound! really, everything's been going great these days. today i finished painting my room, and tomorrow i move back in! it looks very very pretty, and i can't wait to see it all put back together. i've been watching massive amounts of TV lately and it's rotting my brain.
oh and ick, i've gotten lazy. just the idea of schooling makes me shudder, even though i know it has to happen. this summer has been so easy, just working, reading what i want, never stressing over a deadline! it might just kill me to go through it again.
so i feel sleepy and scratchy and i think it's time to go sleep in my paint-fume room. maybe i'll find something more intrigueing when i've stopped watching futurama.

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

covington is way out in bum-fuck nowhere

so i've been sitting around for the last, oh, THREE HOURS, waiting for people to get their shit together and pick me up. i never realized how bad i'd miss harold until now. 'cause you know, before? the only two people i ever saw had cars and lived 5 minutes away. covington... holy shit! i'm seriously wondering, guys? you do realize i have to be perky and excited tomorrow at 8 am? how bad do you want me to be royally pissed off?
this post really doesn't mean anything. i just have another 45 minutes to kill waiting for chanel to get to covington, then for everybody to troop back up here. argh. i think i'm going to go read some more. solitaire just kicked my ass again and i'm too depressed to look for another ace.

Monday, August 22, 2005

what would my mother say....

if she knew all the things that have gone down in the last couple days? oh my, i think she'd have a hissy fit. i'm going to have to try real hard to make this all sound interesting... i just woke up from sleeping for the last 5 hours - that's right, sleeping in the middle of the day! - and my head is still pretty fuzzy.
okay.. saturday! chanel and i went to amy's wedding. it was beautiful, she was beautiful, andy was bursting with happiness, everything was formal and there was a chocolate fountain as food. i totally loaded my plate with pineapple, marshmallows, strawberries, and fruitsnacks and dipped them all in the chocolate fountain. yumm! it was shocking just how many people i knew turned up for her wedding, but then, amy's a lovely girl who probably finds it hard not to make friends wherever she goes. so we're all sitting around the table stuffing our faces with chocolate dipped goodies, when siam asks if we want to crash another wedding -- one with free liquor! of course chanel and i were all for it. the second wedding was almost more beautiful than the first.. everyone was relaxed, having a good time, the bride and groom cried when they said their vows, and all the little kids had balloons tied to their wrists. chanel got happily drunk while i stayed the designated driver (as if that actually means anything at a wedding, right?) we stole bubbles and disposable cameras, and candice and siam pretended to get married at the altar.
so then came one of the coolest parts of the weekend. rj, chanel, and i all went to a ska show! and since chanel was still drunk, she went all crazy dancing to the music. thank god! all this time i thought rj was this hardcore skanking ska master, and the bum just stood there! the whole time! i was shocked and outraged - and so i danced for him! it was fantastically wonderful. last night, while we were out with shannon (here's a sign of a good night - i forgot the name of the place we were at!) we recreated the skank in a drunken stupor just 'cause it's so much fun! anyway, after the first two bands, it got hot and musty inside, so chanel and i sat around on the back of rj's truck. we met one of the roadies for the sweater club, cody, and drank a bottle of champagne with him. after the concert, rj drove us to the burger hut for some fantastic burgers, and then i went home and crawled into bed and slept and had more nightmares. i swear to god, this not-sleeping-well thing needs to end. waking up in a cold sweat, shaking, afraid of what happened the day before and what might happen when you get out of bed each day just plain sucks.
so the sunday, i drove all around federal way running errands. i bought the paint for my room, finally! painting will probably start sometime this week, i'm thinking either tomorrow or wednesday. now, i was supposed to spend the day with jon, who i haven't seen all summer, but shit happens and he forgot. sad! oh well. chanel and i tried going up to seattle to meet some boy she's been talking to, but of course she left her cell phone at my house. how many times has this happened now? and tom, who was supposed to be our super-sleuth and break into my house and find the phone, well... he didn't. he was kind of worthless really. of course he's still one of the greatest boys on earth, but i think yesterday was the last time i send him on an all-important mission. we came back from seattle upset and disappointed, and her phone was sitting in my bathroom. after that, we decided we'd just crash at her house for a few hours, read books on her comfy bed like we usually do. we'd been at her house maybe 20 minutes - just enough to make sandwiches and get annoyed with the cats - when shannon showed up and invited us to a party out in bum-fuck nowhere. naturally, it was a total blast, and we all did things we probably shouldn't have. going to work feeling nauseous with lots of kids and trying to show enthusiasm about it? very hard. i hope tomorrow's lessons aren't as bad as this morning's seemed to be. i want to like my kids this session.

Friday, August 19, 2005

too bad therapy can't solve my problems

i have a pet peeve. it has absolutely nothing to do with anything anyone else does. no, instead, i hate my pre-bed ritual. i simply can't think ahead about going to sleep. i sit around until i feel my body gravitating toward my oh-so-scrumptious bed, with its pile of pillows and deliciously warm and scratchy mexican blankets... and then i realize everything i still have to do. wash my face, brush and floss, change my clothes, put on that damn retainer... one, if not more of these steps pretty much always gets left out. and then, once i'm in my bed, i can't stop myself. it just happens. i make this huge mental list of all the things i didn't get done today, all the things i should do tomorrow, and all the things i need to start/stop doing regularly to make my life happier and more fulfilling. some epiphanies come to me at 3 am, like the one a few days ago following a horrific nightmare that i don't even remember. basically, i decided to finally give up on a lost cause. it's been hard, and i've been bitchy and moody ever since. i just really didn't want to accept the facts, but there you go. tonight, i'm thinking about all the back-to-school shopping that needs to be done, the trips to southcenter and the packing and the whirlwind trashing of my room where i'll probably throw away every piece of memorabilia from my childhood. and trust me, the list has a lot more things on it. but i can see my bed out of the corner of my eye, and i just can't fight it anymore. the muscle relaxant my mom gave me isn't helping my resistance, either.

Thursday, August 18, 2005

Driving While Asian

so today goes down in the recordbooks as one of the more eventful ones this summer. rj wouldn't drive me home at 3 am, the lazy bum, so i ended up sleeping over there instead of in my own bed. naturally, 6 rolls around my i get the frantic phone call from my mom, wondering where the hell i was. it wasn't so bad when i got home, my dad and i sat and had a short conversation about summer ending, and all the conflict that goes with it. he understood, at least, why i wouldn't think staying out all night was such a crime. but the verdict is still up to my mom, since she's the one who's so mad about it. i didn't see her at all this morning, which makes me wonder. why didn't she yell? why no confrontation? i was up, waiting for it, until 9, when i finally realized she'd left and it was okay for me to fall asleep before work. and trust me, nothing beats falling asleep in your own bed. especially when that bed is piled with pillows and comfy mexican blankets.
work... oh god. the story of my summer. not bad, not good, just something that happens. my boss had a conversation with me about a complaint, some mom got upset that her kid wouldn't get in the water last night. big misunderstanding about it, but nothing serious. i like working at kenneth jones because craig doesn't kiss ass. he's diplomatic, yes, but he also knows that people can be dumb.
okay, there were some really fun parts at work though. ryan and i did swing dancing/flips in the pool before lessons, and we got some pretty good air on them. after lessons i sat around and talked to darling andy, who's so arrogant that talking to him is one of the most amusing things to do at work. i filled him in on all this summer's drama, and he mocked me for it. bastard! but i love him, and i'll miss him when i go to college.
here's where it all just goes to shit. i'm biking along, happy as a clam, excited to get home and.. hell, i don't even know what i'd planned to do tonight. call chanel and find out where she is, probably. now, biking for me has recently become an extreme sport. no one checks for bikers before they turn, so part of the game is seeing who's going to look or not, and who's going to slam on their brakes or just barely miss. i get pretty angry while i'm biking - yesterday rj mentioned his absence of stress. today, i realized my stress level fluctuates worse than a bipolar teenager's moods. hell, i might as well be a bipolar teenager. basically, i've been expecting to get hit all summer. i'd decided that tonight was it, i was going to corner my dad and find out where these supposed helmets in our garage are being hidden.
well, i got hit. you probably saw that coming. some elder in the korean church pulled out into my front wheel. i flipped across the hood, and the first thought through my head was "oh damn i'm not wearing a helmet!" luckily i caught myself with my hands and flipped over onto my back, so instead of hitting concrete i was cushioned by my backpack, and the big fluffy towel stuffed inside. this fantastic couple saw it happen, pulled over and stuck around as witnesses. i cussed the guy out until the hyperventilating/hiccupping made my yelling sound pathetic, so i settled for breaking into tears and muttering "jesus" and "holy fuck" every now and then. the husband in the witnessing couple took care of stuff for me, told off the guy who hit me, called 911, all that. his wife sat with me on the curb and kept asking if i was okay, which was more embarassing than anything else. oh, and speaking of that, i have this huge bruise/burn across my inner right thigh from where it scraped over the handlebar. so the firefighters showed up, a cop took the korean elder's insurance info, and i called my parents. the usual intro from every time i've been in a car accident "hey mom.. don't panic or anything.. but i got hit by a car." it wasn't as effective this time, though, since i could barely say three words without hyperventilating. the firefighters gave me an icepack, said i was fine. parents showed up and took the bike, and me, home. i sat on the porch with scott and smoked, which made me realize i'd lost my sense of taste. i tried his diet coke, and same thing. it came back a while ago, but it was gone for at least an hour. it was weird.
the whole thing was just.. scary. scary as all fucking hell. it could have been so much worse, and i still can't get over that i got out of it so completely unharmed. my hands aren't even scratched up. i'm all wrapped up in blankets, drinking tea, with a sleeping pill from my mom on hand for when i feel like going to bed. it's not so bad now, but... i was shook up for a good long while. i never called chanel, i was too afraid i'd burst into tears the second i asked her where she was. (in fact, i felt my tear ducts tingling just typing that, so i don't think i'll call her at all tonight.)