Thursday, March 30, 2006

Feeling Fine

I stick loneliness
Your lips
And the two coins of your eyes
Into my pocket

"Big" things have been happening lately. The other night at Open Mic Night, I ran into Ryan. You know, that nice boy who lived across from me first quarter, who I'd donate plasma with and otherwise didn't know very well. He's got a house on Lakeway somewhere, and the rent is $250 a month. I haven't seen it yet, but I've talked it over with my mom. She's okay with my plan to move out. Now I'm all excited, hoping against hope that there's a bus stop right near the house, or that I'll come across a car over the summer. I want the house to be clean and sturdy, the bathroom not a Lebanese war-zone. Last night I was up for hours thinking about moving out, studying abroad, transfering schools, etc. Now one of them is an honest possibility that I can see clearly ahead of me. It's not just some vague half-wish, half-plan that I got into my head one night over a cup of coffee. Most of my future goals are coffee-plans. This one began in a coffee house, but I definitely only drank water that night.

If I move out, I'll need new things. A mattress and a bed frame, for one. Cleaning supplies. A dresser, more hangers. Bookshelves? I could always stack them around my room, but that's tacky. A desk. What else?? What else do people need to survive? More dishes, I guess. Cooking utensils, things like a can opener and tupperware. I'm sure most of this stuff I could recycle from home... Though I certainly don't want to same bed I've got at my house. It's half broken and creaks when I roll over.

I won't go into everything else on my mind. Transfering to UW is taking up most of my thoughts, plus what classes I'll need to take. I'm thinking about talking to an advisor while RJ's working this Friday.

Besides all that, I've been doing schoolwork. This is going to be a hard quarter, but I'm okay with it. I spend most of my day in the Underground Coffeehouse, camped out on a couch doing math and reading my heavy Middle Eastern politics book. I get through 5-10 pages and have to put it down to soak it in.. And I have two weeks to finish it. So it goes everywhere I go, and I take it out whenever I can.

Anyway. Rj's on the phone now, so I guess I'm done.

Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Carry On, Love is Coming

I've had water stuck in my left ear for the last hour. It started announcing its presence while I was walking through the parking lot -- I may have scared some motorists with my erratic sideways head-banging. Here it is, 5:15, and no matter how I swing my head or how many Q-tips I use, it's still there. This is one of life's lessons: the smallest annoyance will become expontentially worse for every minute you can't get rid of it.

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Damn it feels good to be a gansta

Earlier tonight, I viciously ended a lovely phone conversation in hopes of getting some sleep before getting up at 7 am. Turns out that was a bad idea since here it is, 2:30 am, and I'm still wide awake and kicking. I was planning on writing about this weekend later this afternoon, but now seems as good a time as any.

The boy and I decided, early last week, to rekindle our old flames and go on a random adventure. Seeing as it's still below 70 at night, our best bet for fun and laughs would be some obscure show in Seattle. He pulled out his trusty Seattle Weekly, and while I played Animal Crossing in my bed, he described all the possible events during our chosen timeslot. It took many repeats, a few lamentations over impossibly fantastic shows going on while I'd be back in Bellingham, and several enthusiastic exclamations for ridiculously unimportant events. Eventually we settled on some band called the Super Geek League, a 40-man band that provides its own refreshments. We were intrigued.

Friday came along. I'd been working 10 hours previously, was functioning on 5 hours of sleep, but was determined to make it through the night. Our destination was a little-known joint known as The Paradox (not to be confused with the Paramount, a mistake that I was ridiculed for.) This location popped out of nowhere along the roadside, was completely unremarkable, but the inside was perfection. RJ was merely impressed by the seperation of the cafe/sitting area and the concert room. I not only worshipped the booths and tall round tables with stools (yes, my foot is still bothering me), but decided that I, too, would someday cover my walls in velvet curtains.

The opening bands aren't worth mentioning much. Though the first sang multiple times about pumpkins, and after a few sets a man in a chicken suit wearing a blue wig and WWII gas mask came running into the crowd. His dancing was ridiculous, with flailing arms and jumping and rolling around. He worshipped the pumpkin on stage, stole it and ran around the room with it held high in the air while other spectators chased him. For a few moments a goth girl had him by the ankle and slung him recklessly around on the floor.

Then came The Super Geek League. There was too much to accurately remember. The trendy girl I was jealous of turned out to be a Naughty School Girl who stripped onstage and danced through an entire set, while the Robot Bunny with visible gentalia ran around poking people in the crowd. The first song featured a gorilla on a trampoline throwing bananas into the crowd. We were hesitant at first, until the lead singer assured us, "Don't be afraid to eat the bananas!" along with a reminder that potassium is healthy. The moment I noticed the banana flung at my feet, someone grabbed it and ran away. I was sad for a whole ten seconds, before I saw what was going on around me again.

Other acts included Captain Plastic, who wrapped the crowd in saran wrap, the people with balloons for heads who were trying to hide in the crowd, but were mercilessly pulled onstage and executed (it's impossible to tell you the feeling of surprise, incredulity and amusement as the first man was held down, despite his struggling, then the sudden BANG! and he goes limp, his head gone.) There was a vicious water fight, the target of the crowd's agression being a girl in a vintage 1920's bathing suit and cap, who valiantly threw any balloon that failed to pop. Immediately after there was a huge pillow fight, including the use of stuffed animals that had been soaked in water during the water fight. A moose head was flung in our direction - RJ might've kept it if he hadn't shoved it in my face, which prompted me to throw it back into the crowd. Something about wet moose cotton in my face just doesn't encourage my feelings of sentimentality. A fat cannibal pushed a shopping cart loaded with free pizza around the room -- one of the severed heads on the tray actually turned out to be a crazy lady hidden inside the cart, though her antics never hindered anyone from obtaining a slice. As a warning to all those who drink the school milk, some crazy hormone-infected man came out and poured milk all over himself while his henchmen ran about with squirt guns loaded with milk.

The final act was the most inspirational. They'd rigged a leaf blower into a toilet paper launcher - whole rolls of t.p. were dispersed in moments, flung far across the crowd in an arc of white ribbon.

After an incredible show like that, there wasn't much else we could do with our night. We were back in Fedtown by midnight, and by 1 am I was catching snatches of sleep off the questionably clean tabletops at Shari's. Paying for dinner was a fiasco that will leave me under the power of an ungodly effective guilt trip for months to come. My sleep that night was one of the best ones in history.

Thursday, March 23, 2006

Law and Order is Boooring

This break has been easy. Easy, somewhat antisocial, mostly relaxing. Why bother calling up old Federal Way friends when I have to get up early every day to work? Take tonight. The right thing would've been to find Chanel, finally, and have our long-awaited reunion. But then I thought, hmm, at work by 5:30? Up at 4:30? Maybe I'll just try to go to bed early. Sooo... Yeah. I'll see people during the summer, I guess.

I've watched one movie a day, at least, since being home. V for Vendetta was the best quality - Bride and Prejudice, a Bollywood version of the classic Jane Austen classic, was by far the most fun. I want to watch more Bollywood musicals now.

Monday, March 20, 2006

Next Stop: Shower

I wish Bellingham could be everything that Federal Way is right now. Sunny, comforting.. home. Maybe a car and a job would do that. Maybe local friends and the history of many years and the knowledge of locations. Of all the things I love about Bellingham, I don't love enough. I don't know where to go on a sunny Monday afternoon (Steel Lake, Dumas Bay, Dash Point) or things like how that one house has always had a fake plastic horse in its front yard, and how that other house goes completely buck-wild with Christmas lights.

Either way. I'll never pick Federal Way over Bellingham. I'll come home every now and then, summer won't be as bad as I thought it might be, and Bellingham will either become my new home, or I'll go somewhere else.

Work is my comfort place while I'm home. I can go to the Federal Way Pool, and like Ryan, sit around all day. I can swim laps any time I want, talk to Michelle or Bryce, answer the phone and joke with the kids from the high school on the other side of the parking lot.

Alright. Time for the story to begin. I don't think I'm going to do it justice -- too many days have gone by, my frame of mind has done a complete 180, and I just don't know what to think of it all. Last Wednesday I met up with Greg at Bay Street. He reminded me of Jon, in a way that even I can't explain. Maybe I'm just looking for a Jon in my life now. We talked family and jobs and music and books and movies. We went to a "museum" of hands-on interactive technologically interesting exhibits. It reminded me of the Science Center, only geared to older people. I have to say, I was disappointed there wasn't a bubble curtain. Either way, it was a fun little afternoon, though the girls back at the dorm put a lot more hype to it than they should've. (Julia sat and waiting for 3 hours for me to get back. It scared me.) So the reaction goes like this: I like Greg. He's nice and intelligent and perhaps if we hang out again, we'll find some sort of common ground that we can sit and make fun of other people about. That was how it began with Tom and I, you know. Making fun of people at the pool. Anyway, I'm hoping we can get to be pretty good friends. Hate to get back to this catchphrase again, but I want to meet new people. Make new friends. And he's new people, a new friend.

The result of this friend revelation, was, naturally, that things are not over between RJ and I. At all. I guess that was obvious. Our continuing 2-hour phone conversations every night. My reminiscing about summer and the times we drove to Bothell looking for my fisherman's pond. We have another summer heading our way, and I want to spend it with him.

It was a good decision. We're still completely incapable of pulling off a real date. Friday, we watched a rented movie - Mirror Mask - with mixed drinks made of leftover alcohol, fresh fruit, and Dog and Tom sitting with me on the couch while he was alone on the chair. We're both awkward with the idea of each other's parents now - I swear his mom looks at me funny, and he won't even come in my house. There's a lot we need to get through still, but we'll do it.

As for Tom and Chanel! Well, there's not a whole lot of news about them. Tom's hair is still shockingly beautiful, I've learned more about him in the last few days than I did all last summer, and he's thinking about visiting me during his Spring Break! While waiting for RJ at the pool hall, this was his Quote: "No matter what happens between you two, I'm still the guy who took you to Prom. Don't you forget it!" Chanel, well, I haven't seen her yet. I'm debating if I should see her today, or take this lovely opportunity of a day to drive up to Seattle. We'll see.

Finally. And right now, the most important. Anyone who has listened to me babble about books has eventually heard this from me. I've probably written it up here before. But Third Eye Blind is my favorite band. In one of their songs they claim, "I read dead Russian writers, volumes at a time." Ever since I heard it, I've been inspired to read the Russian classics. Anna Karenina scared me -- far too long, far too much talk about expenses and social theories. But since I've started reading Doctor Zhivago, I've become hooked. It's not one of those books that you can't put down, have to stay up all night reading. Sometimes I don't like those books - they're over too fast, and because of that I feel that there isn't enough content, enough new ideas that make you sit and think and go "hmm...". I like the "hmm..." factor. Doctor Zhivago has that. The Doctor has been able to explain my religious beliefs better than I've ever been able to grasp -- I don't want to get into religious preaching, so read the book. Within the first 100 pages you'll know exactly how I feel about God and formal religion. So there's your "hmm..." factor. Then there's the pure excitement. The women shooting ex-lovers, husbands joining the war as their only escape from their wives, and said wives becoming nurses to go find their husbands when they go missing. All within the first 100 pages! Ahh... Russian love.

Turkey, Cheese, Mayo, Spicy Mustard, and This Really Thick Healthy Bread That Could be a Meal On Its Own

For the last three days, every time I eat a "meal" (read: sandwich, hot pocket) I get the hiccups. I figure it's either because I don't breathe while I chew (thus resorting to giant gasps for breath between bites) or because I'm always staring at some sort of electronic equipment. Like now, with my mom's laptop. Or yesterday, with RJ's Nintendo DS, right before I broke it with a crumb.

Since I'm only working 'til 2 today, whereas I thought I'd be at the pool 'til 4, I solemnly swear that I will make a longer post this afternoon. Right after I take a shower and shave my legs and figure out who I love the most and want to visit: RJ in Seattle, Chanel in Federal Way, or Jon in the land of No Idea What That Guy is Up To These Days.

Sunday, March 19, 2006

Cinnamon Roll Oatmeal

Things have turned out to be a bit busier than I thought. Maybe I'll find time tomorrow to do my mentally mapped out gigantic update, growing daily. But hey, no worries! Everything's going well - Tom still loves me, I see/talk to him every day, and Chanel called last night. I guess my F-dub friends didn't forget me after all.

Thursday, March 16, 2006

Nothing good comes easily (sometimes you've got to fight)

Last week, I was scurrying furiously around campus trying to find a way - any way, honestly - to take my Logic final early. Professor Downing didn't like it when I lied about a family vacation, so I dropped it and settled into a bored resignation.

Looking at how things worked out, I'm glad I stayed.

Yesterday was an Event. I can't say exactly what it was because I'm teasing RJ about it, but maybe Saturday I'll write the whole play-by-play. It was nothing bad. In fact, it was part of a chain of events that I hope will make everyone happier and more satisfied with life than they are already.

In other news, I sold my books back today. For my $8 1/2 lb paperback Logic book, I got $25. For my $60 5lb rice paper concrete brick English book, I got nothing. I put it in a box full of other books that people couldn't sell back, but didn't want to hold onto. But y'know what? I still think I won.

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

He'd kill Nadia, quit school.

(Sorry. I rediscovered the joy of putting interesting tidbits on here a few days ago. I'll probably be on here several times over the next few weeks, then drop back to 'mehh, tired, went to class, nothing to say.')

This is what Brent has to say to the world about our "hometown":

Wow, I had no idea so many people hate that place as much as I do. I always pretended that I was the sole survivor, a lone refugee that escaped to Bellingham. We moved around a lot for a while when I was younger, and FW was where we finally settled down. Of all the places in the northwest we had been, FW was by far the worst. Here's how it all happened.

Parents: We're moving back to Federal Way.
Kids: Why the HELL would you want to do that?
Parents: We kind of like it there.
Kids: It's nothing but SPRAWL, the WHOLE CITY, the nasty leftovers from every city within 50 miles.
Parents: Leftovers? You mean like... lasagna?
Kids: No... like poop.
Parents: Poop?
Kids: Yeah, poop. You know, from a butt.
Parents: Well, we're moving there anyway.
Kids: ........

You can tell my brother's been reading PennyArcade quite religiously these days.

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

The Winner is Me

I'm lazy. I'm stubborn. But it all usually works out for me.

Take today.

I went with Julia to Bellis Faire, to meet up with Annie and buy things to decorate her room. Unfortunately, I somehow sprained my foot while running earlier. After about 20 minutes of limping around and cussing under my breath, I gave up and went out to catch a bus back home. Well, I got the wrong bus. Sort of. I got on the bus at 5:08. I didn't get back to BT until 6:42. (Not an exact time there or anything.) Basically, I figured the bus would get there eventually, so I sat through 3 stops at bus depots, endless loops, and drunk dirty bearded men sitting near me. But I kept sitting. And sitting. And nursing my foot. And chewing my gum furiously. And being entertained by the little asian toddler that was laughing at my funny faces.

Anyway, the moral of this story is: instead of having to transfer buses or even give up my seat, I went from Bellis Faire to BT's doorstop. It took me an hour and a half to do it - but I beat the system!

Not to be mean, But...

So, 5 am, here we are again. You know, we have a very odd relationship. You're really not one of my favorite people to hang out with (no offense). And yet, look at us! What is this, the third? Fourth day in a row? Look, I'm sure you're a really cool guy around other people, but you're just not my type. Maybe we can give it another shot in a few days, but seriously, right now, I need some time away from you.

Monday, March 13, 2006

Weakerthans are on repeat - sorry Zolof

All you ever want to do is drink and watch TV,
frankly that thing doesn't really interest me.

Today better not be an example of the days to come. I've been up since 6 am, wandering around waiting for the time to pass. 8 am final went well - I'm hoping to pull a strong B from that class, which isn't bad considering my brain's programmed to learn german, not spanish.

Ever since, well, not much has happened. I went for a run. We moved in a new suitemate. Brent and I went grocery shopping, he bought me this nasty jug of cheap Potter's vodka. Guaranteed hangover tomorrow. Mostly I've been rereading this blog, looking for comments I've missed, reminiscing about the old days when Chanel and I were inseperable, before RJ was numero uno BFFL. Maybe I'll see her next week, but I probably won't outside work -- the last two times I've been in town, it just hasn't happened.

So instead of doing something healthy and invigorating, Nick, John Books and I are all getting trashed on cheap vodka and quality orange juice. I don't know where, I don't know when, but we have the supplies and the will. I might try to bring the 6 lb bag of pretzels along, just to get rid of it.

Sunday, March 12, 2006

I Hate Sundays

Alright, here's the deal. I fell asleep around 2 am, which is surprising considering I was only out on the town until 10, when Natalie and I headed back to the dorm. Oh, of course there was a reason to be up. There always is. This time it was Spider Solitaire and a long chat with a long-lost friend. I guess I was trying to avoid the fact that Sunday has to happen... As I was falling asleep, I had this incredible urge to take pictures of my toe. 'Cause, well, it's not going to be like this forever! But you're right, I should have done it last week when it still looked mean and angsty, like some 14 year old wanna-be emo punk.

Shall I tell you about my dream last night? Or this morning, I guess. I woke up at 8:30, went to the bathroom, checked a few websites, then decided it was too early to be up and went back to sleep. I dreamed that RJ and I were driving in his truck. We were coming to a stop on some backroads (near campus, I guess) and there was an assorted crowd of male Western students next to us. Some kids from Fairhaven, some football players, y'know, the whole shebang. Apparantly RJ flipped them off because he hit the gas and they started chasing us. One tall skinny kid threw his backpack into the truck to try and stop us, so RJ slowed down until they were almost on us, then put the pedal to the medal and took off. Ah, it was crazy! There was gravel spurting and yelling and fists being raised in anger. I loved it all. Naturally, I was woken up by Julia banging on the door.

(Still trying not to think about all that studying for the Spanish final tomorrow... 8 am... I haven't been up that early in weeks.)

Oh, right! Last night we went down to the Bay Street Coffee House. Natalie, Julia, and Annie wanted to see some guy they know from the Underground Coffee House, they backed him up one time with rubber band guitars. I went because, what else was I going to do on a Saturday night? Study? Nahhh. So we went, I got myself an iced latte, and we situated ourselves upstairs to hear this wonderful band whose name I don't even know. It was all screeching industrial noise, screaming in the background and the occasional hint of a melody. I thought of Vitaly Chernobyl and the Meltdowns, imagined myself in a concrete underpass and just let it happen. I loved it - Elaina would have, too.

One special thing about this coffee house. Upstairs, they have two bookcases full of dusty old classics. I could barely contain myself! If only Siggy were still in Bellingham, she and I would have made it a daily enterprise to go downtown, hit up Bay Street, drink some coffee and sit for hours thumbing through them. They had Lady Chatterly's Lover, One Hundred Years of Solitude, and Doctor Zhivago. I own the first, refuse to read the second again until I have a Spanish copy of it, and have been aching to read the third. So I palmed it. Hush, I know it's terrible to take things from a coffee house, especially one as hiptastic as this, but when Siggy moved away she took the Doctor with her.

Anyway, there was this other band that performed, some cool kids from Lynden in a decent band called Edson. The lead guitarist was this skinny, soulful type who claimed he'd never had a girlfriend. He was also the only one with a decent dose of creative talent - the rest of the strings did the typical repetition of a few easy chords that RJ has drilled into my head as being sub-par. I can't say anything about the drummer's talent - I had no complaints, but I'm no drum critic. He was good. But back to this guitarist! Aw, he was a sweetie. I found myself sitting on the balcony imagining him as this quiet bookish type with the occasional outburst of craziness (he'd have to have it, being in a band such as this.) I remembered Liz and her tendency to meet every local band member in Federal Way, and how she'd proceed to date every one of them. I wish I had her smarts on how to talk up strangers, but instead I was reduced to stalking. I went to the band website - and he is the quiet bookish type, and an English major no less! And at this point I realized, oops, stalking is Rule #1 in Things Not to Do When Attracted to Someone.

So I've admitted my problems - repented, if you will, and I'm on my way to becoming a better person.

Now I'm hungry, and I left my CD player running in the bathroom from when I took a shower an hour ago. Time to start the Sunday.

Friday, March 10, 2006

Something New

So lately there's been a lot of turmoil in my life. Everyone knows a piece of it, some know bigger pieces than others, one knows most of it. But I've found myself in a position where there isn't a single person disconnected enough from it all to pour my heart out to, and interested enough to listen.

I'm not going to do it here, either.

Anyway, tonight was just another example of the roller coaster that is my life. Let's start at 4 this afternoon, in English, talking to what I now realize could've been some really cool new people to make friends with, except none of us really opened up until a week ago. So there we were, last day of class, done with the teacher evaluations, trying to make an excuse to linger and talk. It didn't last long - Sharron and I had work to do! Off we zoomed to the Bellis Fair, where we parked our butts at some empty foodcourt tables far from other people. I snorted some quesadillas, she injected fish 'n chips into her veins. Then it was homework time for her - amazingly super awesome book about hackers for me. I knew I was letting my geek side slip through a scary amount when I started reading passages to her. Gah. Someday I'll learn to stop myself.

When we finally left the mall, acting like big stoopid teenaged highschoolers, it was starting to snow. It continued to snow as we fought our way downhill to the PAC, where we bought tickets to EVITA! Crappiest musical ever. Maybe Madonna's movie will be better, if I ever watch it. That play ruined every idea I ever had about that lovely Argentinian actress.

So then I came home. And called RJ. And he knows how that went. I feel helpless talking to him now, like everything I say and do is just screwing us up more, hurting him and making me feel guilty. We left off on a bad note, and to try and forget about, I bounced off to Late Night with Nick.

Luckily there were distractions. Like incredibly stupid stoned girls. Plus Nick being a dick (it rhymes!) to them and a waffle with strawberries to eat. Nick and I are on the verge of a beautiful friendship, if I can stop being annoyed by his arrogance. He knows it bugs me, doesn't care, so maybe that'll help.

Anyway, back home, talked to RJ again. This conversation started off bad, got better, and ended on a decent note. Maybe I can't get him another car, but if we work together we can lighten up and change the subject.

So now here I am, talking to Nick some more, winning a few games of spider solitaire, but mostly listening to my Top Rated itunes music.

Monday, March 06, 2006

I was born into the world, a friend to every falcon, shark, and bee

Born into the World - Supersystem

FANTASTIC song. I put it on repeat for an hour every couple weeks or so. It's perfect for just dancing around the dorm room, rocking out while washing the dishes. There's one part - I feel awkward for calling it my favorite part, but it really is - where the singer does some heavy panting along with the beat. That's the exact part that you realize, oh my God, sex. The heavy panting is exactly the kind that hits you when you're really exerting yourself. I love it. Not to mention that the lyrics alone make you feel like the greatest, coolest, most interesting person alive.

Thursday, March 02, 2006

I keep on forgetting myself

So now my biggest concern is taking care of this toe. I know it's gross, but what else am I supposed to think about? The extra memory card sitting on my carpet? No, thanks. I'll focus on this toe, and the blisters around it, and the way I have to soak it for twenty minutes in hot soapy water every three or four hours. I'm airing it out because the white band-aid skin creeps me out. Those twenty minutes of forced stillness are good for me, too. It gives me a chance to write, to think, to sort through all this craziness flying around in my head. (I've been trying to fill up that notebook for almost three years now. Looks like I'm going to finally finish it.)

Maybe when I go home this weekend, I'll rearrange my bedroom. Finally get all my books into a decent order. Maybe there'll be some housework to do that will keep my hands busy. I can't just sit around listening to Third Eye Blind and reading forever, you know.

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

because life just isn't that easy

I don't think I can say "ow" enough here. I can't sleep. It's my goddamn toe. The doctor told me it probably wouldn't hurt much. MY ASS IT WON'T! It's throbbing. No pain reliever has helped. No matter where I place it, it only hurts worse. Damnit. So now here I am, dwelling on what I'd hoped to fall asleep and forget after all.