Thursday, December 29, 2005
Priority #2: If bus is the only answer, buy a bus pass.
Priority #3: Eat healthy. Take vitamins. Need to keep up iron and protein levels so donating twice a week doesn't kill me.
Priority #4: Stay on top of classes. Study for spanish this time. Do Quia when it's assigned. Read books constantly. 17 credits isn't impossible, but when I actually want to learn, not just pass, it might be a little more difficult.
Other Things to Do:
use the rec center at least twice a week.
go to late night as much as possible.
read The Secret Garden.
try to go downtown once a week. find someone interested in poetry night at Fantasia.
see Brent more often.
get email addresses of people I like. start up some kind of regular correspondence with people I tend to forget about.
think about getting a job in Bellingham.
clean the kitchen and bathroom. vacuum stairs and every other carpeted surface in the house. throw out the trash.
invest in a giant crate of satsumas.
finish Catch-22 before going back to school. come on, 16 pages really shouldn't be this hard!!
call Tom, Tommy, Jessica, Sam, and Jamie today. bowling night!
figure out plans for New Years.
figure out how to use torrents. again. stick with it this time. create a music library that will make RJ cry, and not in the bad way.
take a shower, because I'm off work for the next two hours!
Wednesday, December 28, 2005
So yes, this dream is a repeat. But it was more intricate than any of the previous ones. All of it seemed familiar, but I can remember more of it. That's the important part. Usually it's just a feeling of weightlessness and wind. This time I actually remember why.
It starts out with me reading a book. Duh. It was called "Mai Lai Warrior" or something like that. Everything that happens next is like a movie of what I'm reading. There's this warrior, and he's going from town to town with this 8 year old boy, trying to find his parents. He eventually comes across his old home, and runs into a pretty doctor who he remembers from his childhood. Aww, love. She takes the boy from him, and there's serious talk between them of all the burnings and pillagings going on in the country. The warrior is hesitant, he doesn't want to get caught up in it all. Later, he's playing with some of the village children, including the boy he brought with him. The boy is happier now, glad to have a home, but now he's brave. He wants to be a big bad warrior too! So the warrior is showing the village kids how to have sword fights with sticks, and they're running all over the place, and they finally come to the edge of the town to this clearing in front of The Forbidden Woods (duh duh duuhhh!). All the kids freak out a little bit, but the warrior is thoughtful. He remembers how he was attacked as a small child near here. Remembers how he was carried off, how the burners and pillagers are probably living on the other side of these woods. So right then and there, he decides he's going to go after them. The little boy wants to come along - our hero says no. So responsible. Then suddenly! Out of nowhere our hero is joined by another man, wearing a mask, who the children are skittish around. He's the protector of this town. He tells our warrior that he's going with him, since he'll probably need help. Looking down at the kid, you can tell he's thinking "Help that will actually be help." So the warrior agrees, and off they go.
This is where the good part starts! This is what I always remember. They're climbing a steep hill, holding onto tree branches and roots to get to the top. At the top is a trail, and they start running. There's lots of running on this trail. They pass trees and bushes and small clearings and suddenly, they reach a wide open sunny space along the ocean. They keep running. Right before heading back into the woods, the warrior looks back, and I can see from his perspective. The grass is in sync with the ocean, the wind pushing it in waves as a continuance of the water crashing onto the beach. The sky is clear and bright blue, a falcon dives, and this feeling of hope and happiness is so strong that my chest hurts.
Now what's funny about this? This morning I didn't really want to get up, so when Chanel called I was very rude to her on the phone. I hung up and reset my alarm so I'd get another hour of sleep. I had this dream, and then I dreamed that I woke up, RJ was there, we both started drinking his apple vodka, I went off to work and updated my blog. It weird. I'll probably be having deja vu all day because of it. Anyway, I figure I have to put up everything I wrote in my dream, so here's the last bit.
My boyfriend likes to drink.
And I like him because he does.
Monday, December 26, 2005
Yesterday, my grandmother complained loudly and consistently about how she "went wrong" while raising her kids. Yes, my father and uncle have failed her by not producing a minister. In fact, I think they've turned her expectations completely around and now, instead of making her friends jealous during their regular gossip sessions, where they compare whose kids love the lord the most, my grandmother now has to sit still, keep her trap shut, and hope someone changes the subject to spouses and their lingering deaths soon. Because on that subject, hell, that old lady can outdo anyone.
Saturday, December 24, 2005
By the way, I ran into Aaron Borth and his girlfriend while we were at Fred Meyer. It was weird seeing him again. It sank home this feeling I've been getting lately, a nostalgia for the old days. I never thought the old days were all that great before, and I know what I have right now is far better. And yet I miss the boys from junior high, the two-week sleepovers with Tuey, the parties at Chanel's condo.
Anyway, the scratch ticket. The suspense was ridiculous. We almost won $300! We only needed a G8 and a B4. Instead, we made a last-minute profit of 2$ when we scored the five dollar slot!
We're not sure where the money should go. One paid admission to Zoolights, the other person paying in spare change? Or take our chances with a Lucky for Life ticket?! Can you imagine how sweet winning Lucky for Life would be? Starbucks every day, that's for sure. And a new assortment of German facial cleansers and creams, the kind Frans's cousin introduced me to at the spa. Oh, and soap! Who could forget bar soap?? Bar soap is amazing. It cleans all the little nooks and crannys of your body, you can suds it up and lather your legs to shave, and in the rare moment when your shower starts to get boring, one tight squeeze and it's crazy soap-flying foot-slipping crashing fun! Forget textbooks, forget clothes, forget music and books.. I'm buying soap with my Christmas money.
Speaking of Christmas. Gratuitous happy holiday wishings to all of you who still read this. I'm thinking of asking for a roll call, but I'm afraid only Ben and RJ are left. Oh well. Merry Christmas you two!
Thursday, December 15, 2005
Thursday, December 08, 2005
Monday, December 05, 2005
My cousin's boyfriend's friend knows a girl who had no social security number until she went to college. She was birthed by a midwife, who forgot to file the right papers. She never had a job. She never got a liscense. She never left the country. Come schooling time, she decided, "Hmm, maybe having a social security number is a good idea."
My cousin's boyfriend's friend's roommate's dad owns Dick's fast food chain.
Matt's girlfriend's cousin's coworker's brother-in-law's family owns the mansion in Stephen King's Rose Red.
I have an incredible boyfriend. He's smart, gorgeous, funny, and drives like a wrecking ball. He's incredibly thoughtful - he remembered my half birthday before I did. Most importantly, he's got endless patience for when I forget things like his birthday, the time we watched Boobah together, the time we got engaged, the time we first heard the Brunettes together, and that one time he downloaded porn and watched it on November 28th (hah!). He also knows that I'll eventually forget everything else we've ever done together, including the time we started dating. And he doesn't mind.
The best part of everything in my life is that I get to sleep with my best friend.
When Elaina and I are eighty years old, we're still going to be walking around the cities together, arm in arm. And when we get into conversations with strangers, we'll find a way to put in the phrase, "We're walking around aimlessly!" and then burst into uncontrollable cackles, which will probably cause Elaina's hip to break and put me in the hospital with pneumonia.
Someday, I'll learn to cook curry. Then I'll eat indian food every night of my life, until my sweat smells like curry powder and parsley.
Wednesday, November 30, 2005
Sunday, November 27, 2005
Monday, November 21, 2005
Breathe deep the gathering gloom
Watchlights fade from every room
Bedsitter people look back and lament
Another days useless energies spent
Empassioned lovers wrestle as one
Lonely man cries for love and has none
New mother picks up and settles her son
Senior citizens wish they were young
Cold hearted orb that rules the night
Removes the colors from our sight
Red is gray and yellow white
But we decide which is right
And which is an illusion
Sunday, November 20, 2005
and do you know? the day since has been lovely! nick and i are both really excited - we made friends with someone on our floor! we ate dinner in the backroom of fairhaven, and had ice cream sundaes on plates. jessica joined us and we baked a cake (it's MY chicken!) and played irresponsible games of bombchu bowling. and loves, please. don't forget the laugh track for family guy. some kid i've never seen before walking into our dorm and watched for 3 minutes or so, then walked away with a "everyone on the floor is watching this. thanks for letting me join!"
Friday, November 18, 2005
But most of all, I'm going to miss the study nights before exams. The 1 am trips to IHOP for three pots of coffee that is guaranteed to make me sick the next day. Last night was a conglomeration of spanish, logic, literature, and criminal justice. Conversation topics ranged from the current conditions of jails, Offspring, the relationship between math and logic, Dora the Explorer, relatives with quirks, drinking, and conjugating verbs in portuguese. Those nights, I learn more in one sitting than I do for the next three weeks.
Wednesday, November 16, 2005
And on top of that! I have no food in my dorm that doesn't make me sick. And the dining hall food isn't much of an improvement, unless I'm famished after working out. I am so hungry! And only cereal will suffice! So instead I drink water. Lots and lots and lots and lots of water. Sometimes I make it flavored water with my Lipton's raspberry iced tea mix, but then sometimes that makes me sick too. You know what I really wish I had? Purple Gatorade mix. I saw it once, at the Met. Yumm.
Monday, November 14, 2005
Este tarde, Sharon and I ate lunch together. We spent an hour gabbing about boys and school and life in general, and how much college is different from what we expected. It was lovely, and it gives me hope that I won't die of loneliness when Jessica leaves me at the end of this quarter.
Sunday, November 13, 2005
Now, as many of you may have heard (basically anyone who's talked to me at all since Thursday), I donated plasma while fighting off a cold. I know, not one of the brightest decisions I've ever made. But sometimes I get these urges to take reckless chances that will probably end up hurting me in the end. Usually they involve jumping off of something, donating plasma while sick, or not eating for three days straight. They don't really serve any purpose, just a way for me to get out of a rut. This experiment left me sleeping by 5 pm, off and on all night. The only time I spent awake, well, I wrote about that last time. When I saw Frans. The wine made me sick around 3 am, so I sat shivering in my bathroom emptying my body of all its contents. Which wasn't much, but it sucked pretty bad.
The natural conclusion was that Friday would be spent on the couch. When Jessica saw me huddled under all seven of my blankets, watching Life is Beautiful, she laughed. For five minutes straight. And when she was done, she sat down on the couch with me and cried over the movie.
Ahhh I'm losing interest in this post already! I need to make my bed before I can sleep in it. So now come the bare minimum details. RJ came over Friday evening, we spent the night drinking over at Matt's place. Elaina and I were pretentious snobs with a bottle of white wine (RJ would've disowned me if I didn't give wine another chance.) We watched Shaun of the Dead and stumbled back to my dorm room, and slept. Breakfast at Denny's, which was amazing, and I got to drive RJ's truck! (I miss driving so much. I'm going to Centralia over Thanksgiving, and I'm taking the Blazer to do it.) After RJ left, I camped out on my couch for the rest of the day and proceeded to watch: Emma, The Shipping News, Mr. Smith Goes to Washington, The Heiress, and Under the Tuscan Sun. And yes, I was wrapped up in my seven blankets the whole time. Aw, don't worry, I wasn't completely by myself. Ryan watched 3 movies with me, and Julie watched 2. We were the cool kids.
Friday, November 11, 2005
Frans, meanwhile, introduced me to his friend Mateo this evening. He and Mateo sat and jammed on the mandolin and the same mentioned guitar -- and it was beautiful. Sitting by a forest stream while pixies play and laugh in the water wouldn't be as relaxing as these two boys tinkered with their instruments. And while Edgar Allen Poe may not seem like the perfect addition to this night, sharing his stories was oddly appropriate.
Anyway, I adore Frans. He wore my sweatshirt outside, so now it smells like love. And we watched the Big Lebowski while sipping wine. (Yes, I know, wine. Unfortunately, I'll never be a pretentious snob when it comes to alcohol -- drinking wine is like forcing myself to down a giant glass of pure vinegar.)
All this was within the last three or four hours. Pretty much my whole day was spent in a haze of dragging myself from one class to another, humorously murmuring "braiiinnns!" to myself to get over how dead I felt. There was this one glorious section in time, 45 minutes, where I napped on the big green couch in the library. I think I left a drool spot on the cushion, but that's not gross. It's just a sign of a good time.
This weekend, I have big plans. They involve movies, maybe illegal drugs, calling up Brent (see how those two coincide?), but most likely just sleep and a few good books. Natalie left for the weekend, Matt's supposed to show up one of these days (not sure what I think about that), and I feel like locking myself in the dorm and only talking to a select few people. And only one at a time.
Tuesday, November 08, 2005
skep·ti·cism 1 : an attitude of doubt or a disposition to incredulity either in general or toward a particular object
In other news! (Tonight was a fantastically good night, considering it was a Monday. o lunes.) I froze my toes for one fantastic view: coming in from sailing, watching the mist rising off the placid lake. Yes, placid. As in NO WIND. Ahh, kinetics, how I hate putting you into use. After, Jessica and I made the trek into downtown Bellingham to the Fantasia Cafe for Poetry Night! I stuck around for an hour and a half -- fantastic poetry, amazing readers, and the community feeling of everyone there was overwhelming. The regulars heckled and laughed and put everyone into an accepting, open-minded state. I almost cried at one point, though. Here is where I tell you about my self-loathing. Before the poetry reading started, I sat nursing my peppermint mocha and observing the people. As always, I immediately spotted the grossly overweight guy. He was balding, pastey, and overflowing all corners of his chair. I see a lot of people like this at the pool (especially during water aerobics), and I've developed this terrible habit of imagining them in bathing suits. My imagination goes overboard with the folds of flesh and (trust me, it's almost universal) ugly birth marks or skin discolorations. ... Really, have I offended enough people yet? Obese people are fascinating to me, in a disgusting and degrading way. Anyway, after I mentally ostracized this guy, he got up and read a "very personal poem that's hard for [him] to share". The gist of it was how no one has ever found him attractive, how he has found intellectual partners and friends, but no one who will love him physically. And how he's wondering if he'll ever find intimacy before he dies. I felt so guilty, as if I personally was responsible for all the pain and humiliation he'd ever been through. And there was nothing I could do. I still found him repulsive. But on top of that, I felt a sharp stab of guilt because I knew, 100%, that this was a real person with real feelings who probably feels worse than I ever have on a regular basis. And I still wouldn't be able to talk to him without seeing his obesity first.
Anyway. It's 1:30 am right now, RJ called right in the middle of that post and I had so much more to say... I just can't anymore. I'm tired. I want to sleep before I get up and shower before class tomorrow (which I haven't studied for or done the homework. Yay!)
Tuesday, November 01, 2005
this was the whole team, all dressed up for the occasion.
friday night, sharing stories on the porch.
sunday afternoon, all decked out in sailing gear! our models are andrew, matt, and alex.
janna is my lovely skipper.
jake and his orange hat.
it's kramer guys! you know, from seinfeld?? yeah, yeah!!
our carpool, minus sam and jon. we are hardcore cool, man.
so the story goes like this. i go out onto the porch, and janna starts wondering who smells really really good. is it jake? hmm, no. alex? nope. turns out it was my hair. yay for awesome conditioner!
this was the cool band making their way up to vancouver, bc. the kid on the far right is wearing a real rabbit fur hat. i loved that hat passionately and wholeheartedly for the whole... minute? that i got to play with it.
those are cherl's shoes. come on. how amazing can she get?
ashley and florian!
so i have no idea who the girl in spandex is, or what she was dressed as, but she had the greatest costume by far.
ashley and cherl!
alex, andrew, and kyle.
alex is singing cher. "do you believe in love after love?"
Friday, October 28, 2005
This is amazing. I am amazing. Elaina is amazing. Phil and Becky and John are all pretty amazing, too. I like the word amazing today. It fits well. It rolls out of my mind and baffles (amazes!) me whenever I think of what I did, why I feel the way I do.
IHOP is amazing. Instead of sitting around waiting for some distracted, uncaring server to refill your coffee cup, the IHOP waitresses gave us a pitcher of coffee each and left us to it. Other groups of college students were there when we showed up, but we were the last ones standing by far. An old man came up and told us a joke. When he left, we laughed and smiled and agreed, “Old people. Oh yes.”
It’s raining outside, right now. My window is streaked with rain, but before the sun came up it looked like patches of ice. When I say the sun came up, I really just mean the clouds got a little lighter and now I can see my way around my dorm room, instead of turning on lights and risking waking up the roommate.
It’s 7:30 now. I’m typing this in Word because I don’t want Firefox to crash and lose it all. I’m going to call Elaina in ten minutes, and then we’ll meet at the shuttle to fill our thermoses with coffee, have one last cram session in our creaky 70’s classroom desks, and maybe ask the professor what the hell is up with Brown vs. Mississippi.
Thursday, October 27, 2005
I keep thinking it's a new week now. I went home Tuesday night and told myself it was the weekend. And basically, it was! Chanel and I bought a pack of cigarettes from the Shell station, then crossed the street to our old stompin' grounds: Denny's. The first thing I noticed made me almost poop my pants with happiness. The old man with the beard who sits and smokes and reads a book was there! His beard was just the same. His black-rimmed reading glasses were just the same. His checkered button-up shirt was still tucked in. My memory tells me he was wearing cowboy boots, but I think I just wish he was. So Chanel and I both went buckwild at Denny's: we laughed and we cried and we ate seasoned fries with BBQ sauce and ranch, and we threw our hands in the air and annoyed the waiter, we drank too much coffee and had to pee constantly for the rest of the night, we ate our shoplifted candy from the Shell station, and we both realized that no one will ever be able to take the place of our sister. I miss Chanel more than anyone. We drove to Steel Lake and reminisced about our summer mornings lazing in the sand before work, I listened to her bitch about work and pretended I had stuff to bitch about still, and we swung on the swings until our stomachs hurt and our eyes were drooping. We called it a night then, but it was just like old times. I fell asleep happier and more satisfied than I've been since I left for school. Yeah, I guess I am homesick after all.
One last story before I leave to go do something else. We went to the Auburn Goodwill to look for surplus army jackets (there weren't any). What we found instead will be my own image of heaven. We found rows and rows upon rows of like-new books for a dollar each. Yes! I came home with 16 new books, and I'm so excited to start reading them that I can barely get myself to finish the one I'm already reading. But honestly, Chanel's auntie put me to shame. She bought out almost every book in that place.
Monday, October 24, 2005
moment of love: watching tv, and they mention plasma in passing. matt, across the room, shouts "plasma! whoo-hoo!"
Sunday, October 23, 2005
word on the street has it that lemon cake and chocolate frosting don't mix well. i tested that theory, and it's true. don't do it.
yesterday i hung out with frans! that boy is one of my lifelong pals now. it was nice just walking around campus with him, talking about all the things we want to do. our big plan for our future is to smoke a really nice cigar together.
natalie's home now. i liked living on my own.
Thursday, October 20, 2005
I'd walk with my people if I could find them
And I'd say that I'm sorry to you
I'm sorry to you
And I don't wanna call you
but then I wanna call you
I don't wanna crush you
But I feel like crushing you
but what can you do? i spend my days wandering around narrow hallways in search of something to occupy my time. found loads of information on becoming an english teacher. found flyers for teaching english in japan. found the peace corps. found my spanish teacher's office. tomorrow i'll look for a job grading math papers. i finished reading my soc work. explored the library again. applied for that job as a reader for the magazine.
i found a new hobby! bathroom testing. there's a great bathroom in the basement of the library that i like to visit every now and then, just for a moment or two away from sight. today in the humanities building i found a bathroom where the women's handicap stall has a sink, mirror, trash can, and paper towel dispenser all inside.
i need to take vitamins. eat healthy. somehow sort out this mess in my head that doesn't let me sleep at night.
Wednesday, October 19, 2005
these last few days have been really rocky, by the way. skipping class, waffleing between enthusiasm about sailing and pessimism. i really don't know what i want to do with my time anymore. i'm going to save my parents the money for now, hold off on buying sailing gear. take winter quarter off like i planned. if i miss it so much, i can always roadtrip out to helly hansen. meanwhile, elaina is signing up to be a reader for western's magazine, and i think i'm going to do it, too. right now it's raining, but the room has a musty smell to it. i can't decide whether to leave the window open or close it.
Tuesday, October 18, 2005
Wednesday, October 12, 2005
About the Very Bad Night, though. Winter's coming. I didn't realize it before, I was too caught up in all the pretty trees, kicking leaves while walking to class, feeling invigorated while breathing the sharp air and patting my rosy, cold cheeks. But tonight it hit, full force. Winter's coming. And with it comes what I now realize is seasonal depression, something I've been dealing with unknowingly for the last three years. It never feels so bad that I need to do anything about it - until last winter, toward the end, when I begged my dad to help me find a therapist. It didn't work - by the time things came together, it was spring and I'd convinced myself I'd been in a rut, anxious to leave home and start school in Bellingham. Here I am! .. So why is it worse than before? I'm not homesick - I don't miss my old life. I miss friends, naturally. RJ, Chanel, Tom. I wish they could all be here with me, but I'd never give up what I have to be with them again.
No, it's not homesickness. It's solitude. I said earlier I've been reading 100 Years of Solitude, and maybe it's that book that brought it on. I've realized that from day one, ever since I was born into the family my parents made, I was going to struggle with connecting to people. My parents are quiet, reserved people. I am too. But for years and years I've tried to fight it, to get out and enjoy life. To laugh full force and scream with joy, to see someone I know and run and jump and hug them, to do a little dance as I walk because life is so wonderful. I want to do all these things, but apathy and weariness drags me down. When the day starts, the first thing I do is categorize everything that needs to be done, how much time it's going to take me, what I should do when I'm in-between tasks. What kind of day is that? Setting out a schedule that I follow, almost without fail, before I've even brushed my teeth? There are small moments when it's not so bad. Today I walked back from class by a different route - I cut behind Fairhaven and took the backroad, then wandered through "The Wilds", an untamed garden between the dorms. But these little things aren't enough at the end of the day, when I check off that mental list I made in the morning. I'm still overweight, I'm still self-analytical (good luck ever fighting that one off!), I'm still spend the majority of my day alone, I'm not learning how to speak spanish at all, and because I've joined the sailing team and started donating plasma, I don't have time to explore the town/campus until the weekend. That's what I want to do most, really. Walk to Bellingham. Raid the library again, find the art exhibits, the parks, the statues (if there are any?). Jessica and Elaina both have the same interests, but our schedules conflict so much that the best I can usually get is a quick lunch between classes. No, I lied. I see them sporadically. Either all day for a week, or not at all. (Until today, I hadn't seen Jessica since Thursday. At least that's what she says. I honestly don't remember anything past Tuesday.)
(my roommate's fighting with her blankets in her sleep. she's adorable!)
I've reached the point in this post where I don't have any interest in what I'm saying anymore. I've bitched and complained enough. Basically, I worry constantly that I'm spending too much time on my own.
Tonight was a Very Bad Night, sure, but now that I've calmed down more, it doesn't seem so bad. It was earlier, before I fell asleep, that hurt. I crashed at 8 and slept for 4 hours, woke up at midnight groggy but energized at the same time. I walked to Haggen, did some grocery shopping, then crossed the street to IHOP. A crazy guy was singing oldies with the waitresses while I drank coffee and read The Rape of Nanking. Walking home wasn't so hot, but now that I've had time to sit, think, relax a little bit... So what if I did it all by myself? It was fun. I have the memory, even if there's no one to share it with.
Monday, October 10, 2005
... But back to the tastebuds! I knew something was up when the Burger Hut burger and banana milkshake I had for lunch on Saturday tasted sort of... bland. Naturally I didn't tell Elaina or Matt any of this, or they might have never given the place a chance. Trust me, Burger Hut has never had so much blind faith in their product in a single day than when I took a sip of that banana milkshake and cried "Oh god, it's better than I remember! Elaina, try this!" So the real story goes, I have had chocolate chip pancakes, endless glasses of orange juice, peanut butter bagels, and toasted sandwiches, all without tasting a single bite. Some of the best food ever created and cherished by a college student, and all I could do was imagine how it would taste on a non-stuffy-nosed day. But when I got back from sailing practice this evening (at 7:30! Three and a half hours, three days a week, devoted and spent in blood for these people and their boats... and that's not counting the regatta weekends. But you know what? The hours are better than when I was on crew team.) ... ahem, when I got back from practice tonight, something changed. Not only did I feel hungry (I've mostly been eating when I think I've gone long enough between meals.) but I could imagine exactly what I wanted. I had to wait about 30 minutes for Natalie to finish washing all her dirty dishes (she and friends had a baked potatoe feast), but then I got cooking. Spaghetti, darlings, trust me. It's all about the pasta and the sauce and oh the cheese! I have never had a simpler, more cherished meal in my life. And oh, the flavors! When I tasted that cold spaghetti sauce, I suddenly remembered why Natalie and I keep a constant and essential jar of the stuff in our fridge.
I also started a new grocery list.
Wednesday, October 05, 2005
elaina cut my hair. we left little pieces on the bathroom floor for the janitors to pick up when they come through tomorrow.
i was shocked by my math teacher today. shocked and abhorred. what? no homework? are you crazy?!
a boy at the fairhaven dining hall loaded his backpack with a plate full of rice krispies treats. his name is joel, and he stocks up every day, every meal.
my roommate and i made cupcakes! it was glorious. the smell wafted down the hall past the elevators, and we cooled them off on the windowsill. then we frosted them. and frosting is good food.
Monday, October 03, 2005
i made a new friend in spanish. her name is lauren. we bitch about spanish and say hi to each other when we pass between classes.
cole was here all weekend! did i mention that? no way, i forgot to tell you?! chanel and cole were both up here for a visit! oh, lots of weekend stories, much drinking. i want to tell you about shane, though. shane, who i've fallen in love with. shane, who despite only talking to him for 10 minutes, is the closest i've come to meeting the man of my dreams. here's the story:
saturday night, i am drunk. hardcore drunken conversations were going on, one with corey about church factions vs. real religion. rj calls, and i wander over to a truck and sit on the bumper and talk to him. as i'm sitting, i notice a guy taking a piss across the yard from me, 10 feet away from a group of people, yelling over his shoulder at them. he's wearing some kinda cowboy hat and plaid shirt, and i think he's just hilarious but i don't think i told rj about him. which is weird, because most of the conversation i remember was me observing out loud things going on, and him having a bad day. anyway, later i have to pee, so chanel takes the phone and i run upstairs. on my way back down i have to weave around people, and i'm drunk. it's hard. so i get to chanel and steal my phone back, but she'd hung up. i stop to introduce myself to the group, and look! it's my buddy corey! we hug and things are good, then i go back to the truck to call rj back. because that's what i do at night, and on weekends, with my free minutes! and as i'm sitting down this tall, lanky, physically imposing guy sits down right next to me on the bumper and busts out his cell phone. and in my head i'm all "score! i created the drunk cell phone spot!" and things were good. rj told me to leave him alone, but it was okay, because as soon as i hung up the tall blonde boy turns to me and says "hey chelsea!" cue my confusion. i was like "oh there's no way i met you earlier i'd've remembered a face like that" (all mentally though, because i wasn't that ballsy drunk) and he sees my expression and, oh my, this was so sweet. he says "don't think i'm stalking you! but i was walking inside and you walked past me, so i turned around and followed you. i thought you were cute. and i heard you introduce yourself over there. when i saw you coming over here i pulled out my cell phone and pretended to be on it, wasn't that slick?" and we proceeded to have an awesome conversation, with me falling madly in love with him. boys at western! they do things like that! he was charming and sweet and confidant and he quoted the big lebowski when frans asked for water. people crowded around us after a few minutes, though, and he sort of disappeared into the crowd. but oh, my heart. i wish i'd gotten his number. i think it's good, though. because this way i'll have this positive memory of a tall and lanky blonde boy wearing plaid (yeah, he was the boy i saw peeing. by the way.) being ridiculously charming to encourage me to party more.
about this afternoon, though. we had sailing practice, and afterward we went to lafeen's for doughnuts. this boy from san francisco and i decided we'd try to be hardcore at sailing practice on wednesday and take a boat out together. i don't know... he says he's learning to skipper in class tomorrow, but it might be intense. we might flip! all i know for sure is that i'm wearing my bathing suit.
Friday, September 30, 2005
insomnia's kicking in fullstream because of that nap i took this afternoon. i'm an emotional wreck for reasons i don't understand, at all. everything i do to cheer myself up - writing, reading, making tea, sewing - it all works for about 2 minutes before something comes back to me, and i feel like throwing up. i miss chanel so bad it's an ache in my chest. i want to walk down the hall and find her, go out and explore bellingham with her. i know she'd do it. i know we'd meet random strangers and end up somewhere we never even thought of going before. i miss my mom. i miss the two times we sat out in the hot tub, watching the stars and talking about nothing in particular. i miss tommy and regret that we barely saw each other all summer. i miss feeling assured that what i was doing was the right thing to do, that my decisions were only going to make me happier and a better person.
all of this is because of that damn book. it's so tragic, everyone is so lonely and unfulfilled yet refuses to see it, every story ends up bitterly twisted and just plain wrong. i love it. i could read it a thousand times over and again. but every single time i pick it up, i find myself crying because i don't want my life to go that way. look around. who's really happy, 20, 30 years later? there is no happy ending. just endless days of solitude.
Monday, September 26, 2005
here we have: caleb, taich, mar, and frans! i love this picture to bits. caleb is so angry! and holding the animal fur pillow!
the girls on the ends are frans and mar's neighbors. they have a very love-hate relationship, although i think the girls are mostly just indifferent. jessica and i made them move over so we could sit - yay us! pushing around strangers!
this is the day elaina introduced me to frans. mar has this nifty black and white setting on his camera, and he loves it. he likes to show it off a lot.
oh elaina. such a gorgeous cousin, i just don't know what to do with her! i haven't seen her in 3 days, she wasn't at class this morning and i know she's just across the street, WITHIN SIGHT OF MY WINDOW, sleeping at her boyfriend's apartment.
again with the girls that mar and frans love to hate. then frans, and mar (who has a really bony hip that was digging into my thigh!) and my dear, wonderful, fantastic stoner of a brother on the very end. oh brent. he loves his hookah so very much.
frans and i tried to do an emo pose. it didn't work very well. mostly 'cause neither of us look emo, and we weren't trying very hard either.
as i was looking through mar's photos, i found this. a picture he took of himself with the timer. he says he was trying to find the spot to put the camera for a group photo, but i don't believe him. i know he just wanted a thug picture next to the pretty lamp.
tonight, i got frans to make quesadillas for me. he was watching me while i was eating sour cream straight from the tub, and when the huge gob of lovely, tasty sour cream didn't make it into my mouth, he said, "chelsea, i am so glad you're my friend." truly, i could play video games and drink and love this boy forever.
and last! proof that western is for outdoor lovers. we chased these raccoons all over the trails, but mar is slow with his camera, so this is the best picture we got. at one point we were FIVE FEET AWAY from the suckers, and forgot to use the flash. ahhh, mar!
Friday, September 23, 2005
a few days ago, elaina introduced me to a boy she met on the stairs. this boy's name was frans. frans is from minnesota, and he's one of my all-time favorite people i've met at western. we kick it in his living room, playing super nintendo and drinking jager. (right now i'm trying to check my email and it's not working and it's driving me MAD!) his roommate mar is another favorite. he's from mexico, has a very charming spanish accent, and his hair is long and curly. it bounces when he moves, and trust me, this kid moves a lot. he's loud and friendly and i can't wait to see him party. mar likes to take pictures and talk about his bartender back home. it's hilarious listening to him, though, because despite all his talks of partying and being rowdy and uncontained, if he gets caught doing anything illegal, he loses his scholarship. so mar is a boy with a big mouth, but nothing to back it up (yet. we're possibly going to a party this weekend.)
another person i've met is jessica sigmundsen. yes, jessica, the girl who went to my high school and i watched tv regularly with over the summer. we never really hit it off, but now that we're off to school in the big wide world, we're going on hikes and sitting around the dorm downstairs and eating together and basically just having a ball of it. the other day we sat around my brother's house and listened to his stoner friends' talk. now, we have enough inside jokes to last us until spring quarter.
Saturday, September 17, 2005
although, the way rj kept reminding me "this is the last time you're going to ____", i am freaking out just a little bit. no more dinners out for no reason other than having money to spend and no other ideas? scary! i don't know if i can do this whole "budgeting money" thing.
Wednesday, September 14, 2005
down at the beach today, chanel and i found a beagle dog to play with. later, that fat old thing got chased around a log 5 times by a younger and smaller beagle. ha! old farts, move over!
chanel took this pic of porky and me. that night we were supposed to watch lots of movies, but she ditched me. grr. haha. anyway porky is the cutest (and fastest growing) kitten in the world!
chanel and her pretty blue eyes! on our way to the good ol' pool.
chanel drinking from my water bottle! she even does it without spilling on herself! amazing!!
chanel says this is my innocent picture, but i don't see it. i just think that dog was really really furry and cute and kind of like rj's dog, he was fat and stinky.
chanelsea breaking the roof of chanel's prelude.
at the small ska show in seattle, chanel and i met the most beautiful roadie in the world. i taught him how to blow bubbles, and he fed us champagne in paper cups. i think his name was chad? i want to marry him.
chanel got stuck in a tree. we had to call the fire department to get her down.
you'd never guess it. but the puget sound is cold in september! oh my! give it a few more months, then it'll be time to go for a float.
my feet got swallowed by the dirt.
this was a pretty fountain in florida.
jamie and i got really really dark in florida. we also went without makeup and hairbrushes that whole week. scary!
this was the most beautiful sunset of my life. except that i saw the same sunset every single night in the florida keys. i want to die there, in the sun, looking out on the clear blue ocean with little spots of green islands.
this is a tree from florida. my dad says it's a mangrove, and i believe him.
this is the happiest chanelsea picture ever taken! look at us! we're beautiful and full of life and possibilites. i'm going to cry thinking about how much i'm going to miss her when i leave.
this is the picture that made me chanel's hero. awesome!
while in florida, i introduced jamie to the chanelsea special recipe for success: taquitos with fake cheese dip and sour cream! she loved it. everyone does.
so jamie had this brilliant idea of wading out into the ocean in her shorts. she got further than i thought she would, but she still had to go back and take them off.
two hot girls on the prelude of justice! what more could you ask for? a pony? sorry, fresh out.
scoutin' for some land, just another everyday duty in the life of a pirate.
remember how jamie tried wading out with her shorts on? this is how deep it got.
hee. i cannot look at this picture without giggling. it's rj! singing!
chanel, stranded on a log with no help in sight! oh no! someone save the cute helpless girl!
laughing on the prelude's roof. i'm going to miss summer so bad.
so we found this piece of wood with an eye in it, and it's really creepy. i mean really, really creepy. i wish we'd taken a picture of the actual wood, but here i am holding it.
and last! on the beach, spreading the love in mannish sunglasses and piggychins.