Fuck bitch shit. The calf is still knotted up and twisted and painful. I take hop skips to get started after standing up.
Went and saw Hulk with my brothers and dad tonight. Great movie? Terrible? Hard to decide. It was definitely entertaining, but not something that will stick with me for very long. Can you believe they all thought Hulk was terrific and Indiana Jones was hokey? I can't. I love the men in my family, but we obviously appreciate completely different things from our movies.
My dad and I had a late-night argument/discussion about our political beliefs, values, and the choices he made that led him to where he is now. I'm walking away from the conversation feeling torn. He was young and idealistic once, just like me. But he had kids and settled and picked the easier route and essentially walled himself up in the middle class suburban lifestyle so I could be raised happy, healthy, and protected. He did a great job. Any complaints I have about my childhood or the way my parents raised me are simply comments coming from the ungrateful and consistently dissatisfied part of me that I try to shut out.
He also warned me that, when it comes down to it, having kids myself will probably bring out the same behaviors from me. I want to disagree. I want to say that I'll always be up for an adventure, to help people and be self-sacrificing. I think of the couple I met in Peru, whose names I can't recall right now, but they had a one year old daughter named Ilana. They seemed to be successful on both fronts. She was an engineer, he took tourists out on white water rafting trips. They traveled on and off throughout the year, switching between his mother's ranch in Peru and her parents' place in Colombia. They were young and educated and idealistic, they worked on sustainability projects with Pocha on the ranch, and meanwhile they raised a kid. Maybe Ilana won't have the same safe protected childhood my parents envision kids need, but I feel that her parents' lifestyle is going to bring her so much more.
I want that for my future. For myself, for my kids, for anyone else who thinks it sounds good. I don't want to compromise and choose a way of life that isn't great, that makes me feel uncomfortable when I think about it, all for the sake of feeling safe.