So lately there's been a lot of turmoil in my life. Everyone knows a piece of it, some know bigger pieces than others, one knows most of it. But I've found myself in a position where there isn't a single person disconnected enough from it all to pour my heart out to, and interested enough to listen.
I'm not going to do it here, either.
Anyway, tonight was just another example of the roller coaster that is my life. Let's start at 4 this afternoon, in English, talking to what I now realize could've been some really cool new people to make friends with, except none of us really opened up until a week ago. So there we were, last day of class, done with the teacher evaluations, trying to make an excuse to linger and talk. It didn't last long - Sharron and I had work to do! Off we zoomed to the Bellis Fair, where we parked our butts at some empty foodcourt tables far from other people. I snorted some quesadillas, she injected fish 'n chips into her veins. Then it was homework time for her - amazingly super awesome book about hackers for me. I knew I was letting my geek side slip through a scary amount when I started reading passages to her. Gah. Someday I'll learn to stop myself.
When we finally left the mall, acting like big stoopid teenaged highschoolers, it was starting to snow. It continued to snow as we fought our way downhill to the PAC, where we bought tickets to EVITA! Crappiest musical ever. Maybe Madonna's movie will be better, if I ever watch it. That play ruined every idea I ever had about that lovely Argentinian actress.
So then I came home. And called RJ. And he knows how that went. I feel helpless talking to him now, like everything I say and do is just screwing us up more, hurting him and making me feel guilty. We left off on a bad note, and to try and forget about, I bounced off to Late Night with Nick.
Luckily there were distractions. Like incredibly stupid stoned girls. Plus Nick being a dick (it rhymes!) to them and a waffle with strawberries to eat. Nick and I are on the verge of a beautiful friendship, if I can stop being annoyed by his arrogance. He knows it bugs me, doesn't care, so maybe that'll help.
Anyway, back home, talked to RJ again. This conversation started off bad, got better, and ended on a decent note. Maybe I can't get him another car, but if we work together we can lighten up and change the subject.
So now here I am, talking to Nick some more, winning a few games of spider solitaire, but mostly listening to my Top Rated itunes music.