Friday, August 19, 2005

too bad therapy can't solve my problems

i have a pet peeve. it has absolutely nothing to do with anything anyone else does. no, instead, i hate my pre-bed ritual. i simply can't think ahead about going to sleep. i sit around until i feel my body gravitating toward my oh-so-scrumptious bed, with its pile of pillows and deliciously warm and scratchy mexican blankets... and then i realize everything i still have to do. wash my face, brush and floss, change my clothes, put on that damn retainer... one, if not more of these steps pretty much always gets left out. and then, once i'm in my bed, i can't stop myself. it just happens. i make this huge mental list of all the things i didn't get done today, all the things i should do tomorrow, and all the things i need to start/stop doing regularly to make my life happier and more fulfilling. some epiphanies come to me at 3 am, like the one a few days ago following a horrific nightmare that i don't even remember. basically, i decided to finally give up on a lost cause. it's been hard, and i've been bitchy and moody ever since. i just really didn't want to accept the facts, but there you go. tonight, i'm thinking about all the back-to-school shopping that needs to be done, the trips to southcenter and the packing and the whirlwind trashing of my room where i'll probably throw away every piece of memorabilia from my childhood. and trust me, the list has a lot more things on it. but i can see my bed out of the corner of my eye, and i just can't fight it anymore. the muscle relaxant my mom gave me isn't helping my resistance, either.

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