in the parking lot, it was gorgeous. the air felt full and warm, the stars were visible through the scattered clouds. for a moment, it was good, then loneliness took over. emptiness and fatigue, overwhelming stress. i broke down in the car, sat with my dad and blew my nose while he talked to me. i remember when i used to hate him - now i don't know what i'd do without him.
i love the smell of the cherry trees in our yard, though. or are they plum? i don't know. they've got little pink flowers, and every yard in every neighborhood i've ever lived in has them. i wish they made a perfume like that. it's fresh and flowery, makes me feel refreshed, heady. i stood in the driveway arguing with myself, whether it would be better to go inside and talk to my dad or sit out on the stone bench, just smelling the flowers on the tree. i figured sitting by myself wouldn't cheer me up much.
i saw a boy on the bus today, with cuts up and down the inside of his arm. i wish i could talk to him. everyone else i know is so happy, content with where they are. i wish i knew someone who felt some the same.
other than all that. i went to the federal way pool and got officially, finally hired. craig wants me to start next week, mondays and wednesdays. i'm happy, excited about it all. except.. tomorrow i'm going to talk to tait during lunch. he hires students over the summer to paint houses. it's been a goal of mine forever, to paint houses for a summer. even if i have to piss off everyone i work with by quitting, i'll do it.